WORLD TYPING DAY UPDATES

-Fresh off what commentators throughout America are calling their triumph in taking 15 ballots to extract so many concessions to them that new Speaker Kevin McCarthy is being described in some discussions as “Speaker In Name Only” (SINO), Freedom Caucus MAGA Republicans are dominating the Sunday talk shows gleefully spelling out their agenda. There’s soon-to-be Judicial Chair Jim “Gym” Jordan (OtheR Way, OH) intoning that Ukrainian funding may need to be cut to ‘balance the budget,’ implicated insurrectionist Rep. Scott Perry (R-PA) readying hearings that would investigate the disbanded January 6 Commission (and potentially demanding to see evidence from the Department of Justice that commentator Joyce Vance points out would violate separation of powers if given – but also give the GOP a fig leaf to attempt to impeach Merrick Garland), and soon-to-be-Oversight Chair Rep. James Comer (HunteR??, KY) sniffing that if Democrats want Ex-President Trump to pay more taxes they should change the tax code (while now preparing subpoenas to everyone in the White House). The carnival of near-fisticuffs and selfies with new GOP Party Leader Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA) are all making last week’s carnival a true preview of what the next two years may hold in the House.

-And if that sounds depressing, breathe … because, what last week ALSO revealed to everyone on Earth is that the GOP is awash in self-recriminations, distrust, lunacy, and an overall ignorance of rules and procedures – and that a unified Democratic party, whose new House leader, Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY), gave a stemwinder of a speech on the House floor before handing off the gavel to McCarthy early Saturday morning (it is a literal A-to-Z of what Democrats believe and is well worth seeking out) – and who has over 150 years of leadership mentorship and institutional legislative House knowledge to tap into, led by now-former Speaker Nancy PELOSI (D-GOAT, CA) – Democrats will have a slew of tricks to use to outwit and out-legislate the new majority.

-That majority, by the way, may not even BE a majority, as the six “present” votes on Friday meant McCarthy won his Speakership with a plurality of votes of the House, and Politico among other outlets report that there are more than a few GOP Reps stewing over having Committee Chairs that in the normal course of House work would have went to them that got dealt in McCarthy’s desperate dealing to “win” the Speakership.

-And while all of THAT was going on, there is the matter of CPAC organizer and Trump loyalist Matt Schlapp, who was accused in a story on The Daily Beast last week of “sustained and unsolicited and unwanted” groping of the crotch of a male staffer from the losing GA Senate campaign of Herschel Walker (R-TX). Schlapp’s office issued a denial but has not been heard from at all since the story was leaked – a very unusual occurrence for one of the GOP’s most virulent (you know where this is going, don’t you?) homophobic ‘thought leaders.’

-In short, we should probably be like Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA), who was seen in the most furious moments of Friday’s votes calmly reading a book – Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck.”

-In other news, a ‘cease-fire’ declared by Vladimir Putin to mark Russian Orthodox Christmas appears to be ending, with new attacks on Kherson and reports of what may be a last-ditch offensive to recapture the city despite most military analysts questioning the strategic need to capture the city, as the battlefield appears to have become a World War I-esque killing field for Russian conscripts. This comes amid reports that pensions are not being paid in Russia and winter is settling in for their ill-equipped-for-the-season troops.

-Slava Ukraini!

-The final day of the 2022 NFL season is here, and relief is being felt insofar as Buffalo Bills’ DB Damar Hamlin continues to recover from his cardiac arrest that occurred after a hit on the field during the Bills/Bengals game on Monday. Hamlin is off the breathing tube and communicating via Instagram and FaceTime with his teammates. Football-wise, the AFC has agreed to neutral-site games to balance the fact that the Monday game was cancelled and its effect on playoff seeding. Whether the act will mean a reassessment of how Americans watch the most violent game … well, I just gave you how the injury affected the playoff scheduling, so …

-On this date in 1815, the Battle of New Orleans began. On this date in 1978, Harvey Milk became the first openly gay person elected to public office in CA. On this date in 2011, a shooting rampage in AZ injured then-Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. And on this date in 2016, Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman (aka “El Chapo”) was recaptured after escaping a Mexican prison six months earlier.

-Happy Birthday to Jose Ferrer, Larry Storch, Soupy Sales, Sander Vanocur, Bill Graham, Elvis Presley, Shirley Bassey, Bob Eubanks, Graham Chapman, Stephen Hawking, Yvette Mimieux, Robby Krieger, David Bowie, John McTiernan, Bruce Sutter, Dwight Clark, Rey Misterio, Sr., Sarah Polley, and Cyntia Erivo.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Marco Polo, Galileo Galilei, Eli Whitney, Robert Baden-Powell, Terry-Thomas, Harvey Haddix, Pat Buttram, Francois Mitterrand, Dave Thomas, Yvonne DeCarlo, Andrae Crouch, Edd “Kookie” Byrnes, and Marilyn Bergman.

-Feed the Worms: Musical Perv R. Kelly and would-be-ICBM-compensator Kim Jong-un entered Earth on this date. Former Chinese dictator Zhou Enlai left Earth on this date.

-The #1 Album in America … in 2023, SOS by SZA … in 2013, RED by Taylor Swift … in 2003, UP! By Shania Twain … in 1993, THE BODYGUARD Soundtrack … in 1983, BUISNESS AS USUAL by Men At Work … and in 1973, SEVENTH SOJURN by The Moody Blues.