TAKE YOUR PARENTS TO THE PLAYGROUND DAY UPDATES

Just Make Sure They're Careful Around the Monkey Bars

-We start overseas for today’s update, and breaking news out of Iran, where state television reports a helicopter carrying the President of Iran has made what is being referred to as a “hard landing.” Officials confirm Ibrahim Raisi was on board and that rescue efforts are underway, though terrain and weather are making it difficult to do so, according to later state television reports.

-The biggest challenge to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu since the October 7 HAMAS terrorist attacks and subsequent invasion of Palestine has erupted into public. There, former Defense Minister Benny Gantz issued an ultimatum to Netanyahu to change the course of the war with a series of measure including the end of fighting, the creation of a muti-state force to run Palestine, the inclusion of other Middle Eastern countries in fighting HAMAS – but, it must be noted, not a two-state solution – or the political parties aligned with Gantz would withdraw from the government.

-Netanyahu responded almost immediately to reject the solution, which is believed to be supported by the White House and a number of countries in the region, including Saudi Arabia. Netanyahu continues to reject any discussion of a two-state solution and, despite growing condemnation for the manner in which the fighting in Palestine has created a humanitarian crisis among civilians, insists he will continue to fight to “eradicate HAMAS” – that despite other independent analyses that report Israel has not come close to achieving that goal, and worse (this another central argument of Gantz) that there is no strategy whatsoever by Netanyahu and his hard-right coalition for a post-War Palestine (save for ultra-right factions who hope to move Israelis into the territory).

-The Times of Israel reports that Gantz does not have enough votes to force a new election in Israel, one in which the extremely unpopular Netanyahu (at least if mass protests are any indication) would (at this moment at least) likely lose. Instead, Netanyahu continues to defy and all but taunt Gantz and, more importantly, President Biden, who (contrary to some street protests in the United States) has been working on a cease-fire.

-In fact, today Netanyahu has invited MAGA Representative and Vice Presidential wannabe Elise Stefanik (NY) to speak to the Knesset, where she is expected not to leave politics at the water’s edge and deliver a speech expected to attack Biden’s positions while adoring and fawning over her party’s Dear Leader, Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII, who like Netanyahu shares a phalanx of criminal indictments, a desire to reshape their countries’ judiciaries to protect themselves from their crimes, and bloodlust.

-Meanwhile, in Ukraine reports from that country assert that Russian advances in the northeastern part of the country have been stymied as American supplies are being delivered and sent to the front lines. These come amid other reports that American advisors were warning Ukraine not to attack certain parts of Russia, in particular oil refineries – warnings that are apparently being taken ‘under advisement’ by Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. With supply lines being rebuilt and mid- and long-range weaponry now available again, it is believed a counteroffensive could be being plotted by Ukraine.

-To restore some pride and worldwide backing, however, today Ukraine is celebrating the split decision victory of Oleksandr Usyk, who yesterday knocked down and defeated Tyson Fury in Saudi Arabia, thereby becoming the first Undisputed World Heavyweight Boxing Champion since Lennox Lewis in 1999. Fury had claimed one of the titles by defeating another Ukrainian, current Kyiv Mayor Wladimir Klitschko, so the win by Usyk – likely to create a rematch later this year – has a closing-the-(squared)-circle prospect to it.

-HURRAH USYK!

-SLAVA UKRAINI!!!!

-If you recall the start of Trump’s election interference trial in New York, he made a huge stink about wanting this past Friday off to attend the high school graduation of Barron, his son with Melania Trump who was an infant when the inciting incident of the Trial – Trump’s minutes-long sexual encounter of a sort with Stormy Daniels and subsequent $130,000 catch-and-kill payoff – took place. Judge Juan Merchan granted the request, so last Friday Trump attended the event, albeit by getting there just in time, standing next to his wife without acknowledgement or physical touching, and a photo of Barron staring straight ahead and Trump giving his customary grimace-he-thinks-is-a-grin and thumb-up pose he gives to any random tourist bowing to him at Mar-a-Lago.

-From there, Trump left very quickly to attend a fundraiser in Minnesota, where Trump claimed he won twice (Trump lost MN twice), would be competitive (MN will not vote for Trump in 2024), and in the most noteworthy incident, saw Trump wobble and nearly fall over as the dais he was standing behind also fell over with him. Trump was his gracious self, righting and then caterwauling about how “crappy” the stagehands in MN were.

-Yesterday, Trump went to a very friendly audience, attending the National Rifle Association convention in Texas, where Trump again displayed his … unique abilities to turn phrases and hold audiences’ attention. In his 90-minute rant following being late for the speech by over two hours (to the consternation of even TX gun owners), “highlights” included a claime thatBiden was not as qualified as Trump because Biden hadn’t won any golf tournaments while Trump has “won” 31 (which was up from 29 from just the day before in MN) (Trump is a documented and notorious golf cheat) … promised the gun lovers that he would end “all” regulations on gun ownership if he assumed power again … claimed he was a “healthier” and “better physical specimen” than former President Barack Obama … again bragged about ending Roe v. Wade and promising to appoint more of those types of judges so they could rule “for 50 years” … announced his intention to run for a third term like Frankin Roosevelt … and included the following two quotes for posterity:

-“There is a genius to what I’m doing. You do know that I go from here to there … and it all comes back into a beautiful picture. You know, did you notice? It all comes back into a beautiful picture. Great memory. It’s a beautiful thing.” And … “You know, you look at a can. I know cans, I know how long it’s been there. Some of them have been there for, I would say more than a year.”

-With moments like that, you would think Trump would be raging and ready for what are now two scheduled debates against Biden – but, hold on, hold on … in each of his appearances over the weekend and other media events, Trump and his allies have begun complaining loudly about the conditions they accepted for the debates, particularly the locations of the debates (not Fox or Lindell TV), the lack of live audiences at the venues, and the condition that microphones be cut off when an opponent’s speech time is over. That it was Trump who immediately accepted all of Biden’s conditions within an hour of Biden’s challenge makes no mind to Trump and company, and it begins to beg the question of whether Trump will actually show up for the debates, seeing as he did not attend any primary debate this year and cancelling one of the three scheduled debates in 2020.

-That suspicion was boosted by another demand Trump made: that Biden submit to a drug test before the start of their debate. That lulu – coming from a man that former show runners from THE APPRENTICE insist is addicted to Adderall and whose doctor freely gave away hundreds of stimulants during the Trump White House – comes from right-wing media conspiracists who insist that Biden’s boffo State of the Union speech was a product of Biden being given stimulants or, even more hysterically, cocaine. June 27 is a way’s away, so we shall see …

-We end today’s update with another legal update, one that readers of this Substack will probably find super-satisfying. As you may recall, a new state case regarding fake electors being appointed to place Trump delegates to the Electoral Congress in the place of electors for the winner of the state in 2020, Joe Biden. One of those 17 defendants was our old pal, Rudy Giuliani. However, the state was having difficulty finding Rudes to give him the charges and other legal documents.

-Well, GOOD NEWS! Arizona found Rudy to serve him his indictment papers! And where did they find him? In Palm Beach, FL, at a party to celebrate Rudy’s 80^th birthday! Even better, the papers were served hours after Rudy bragged about how the state of Arizona couldn’t find him on a social media post. Rudes got the papers at the party which was attended by human canker sore Steve Bannon – himself now facing imprisonment for his conviction of defying a Congressional subpoena – and political skeezbucket extraordinaire Roger Stone.

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BASTARD!! We’ll have some cake for you!

-On this date in 1860, Abraham Lincoln was nominated for President. On this date in 1896, the Supreme Court shamefully ruled in Plessy v. Ferguson that “separate but equal” was constitutional. On this date in 1962, Marilyn Monroe serenaded John Kennedy with a rendition of “Happy Birthday, Mr. President.” On this date in 1974, India became a nuclear power. On this date in 1980, Mount St. Helens erupted. On this date in 2018, Prince Harry married Meghan Markle.  

-Debuts on this date: Manila (1571), the Ringling Bros. Circus (1884), postcards (1898), the military draft in the United States (1917), SO (1986), DO THE RIGHT THING (1989).

-Happy Birthday to Johns Hopkins, Florence Chadwick, Malcolm X, Dolph Schayes, John Stroger, Lorraine Hansberry, Bill Fitch, David Hartman, Dick Scobee, James Fox, Nancy Kwan, Jane Brody, Nora Ephron, Curly Neal, Peter Mayhew, Pete Townshend, Andre the Giant, Grace Jones, Dusty Hill, Joey Ramone, Phil Rudd, Martyn Ware, Nicole Brown Simpson, Kevin Garnett, Sam Smith, and JoJo Siwa.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Anne Boleyn, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Benjamin Guinness, T.E. Lawrence, Booth Tarkington, Coleman Hawkins, Ogden Nash, Henry Morgan, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Dorothy Donegan, Tony Randall, Alan Young, Morley Safer, and Martin Amis.

-Feed the Worms: Pol Pot and Bill Laimbeer entered Earth on this date.

-Ho Chi Minh was born on this date. You decide if he gets a Happy Birthday or if he Feeds the Worms.

-The Number One Movie in America on this date … in 2024, KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES … in 2014, GODZILLA … in 2004, TROY … in 1994, THE CROW … in 1984, THE NATURAL … and in 1974, THE STING.