RUN IT UP THE FLAGPOLE AND SEE IF ANYONE SALUTES IT DAY UPDATES

I Mean, How On the Nose Can You Get?!

-The investigation into the New Years Day terrorist attack on Bourbon Street that killed 15 and injured 28 continues, as the identity of the attacker - who rammed the rented pickup truck down the street thanks in part to the lack of a concrete barrier (apparently removed to be replaced per local reports) - was revealed to be a 42-year-old Army veteran from Texas who once worked in real estate, became a Muslim, was divorced twice, and brought an ISIS flag (along with more weapons and improvised explosive devices) with him as part of the attack. The act prompted a postponement of the Sugar Bowl, to be played this afternoon after expanded security measures - which will need to be sustained since the Super Bowl will be played there in February - were put in place.

-In a separate incident, a man driving a Tesla Cybertruck detonated an explosive with him in it outside a Trump hotel in Las Vegas yesterday afternoon, killing himself and injuring seven (and creating a visual that Trump opponents shared incessantly on social media). The man who was in that incident was an active Army Special Forces Sargeant from Colorado - and if you are wondering if there are connections between the two incidents, the FBI and ATF are, too. It appears the two men were part of the same Army unit (though it is unclear if they knew each other as the Texas terrorist was not active. However, both men not only rented their trucks, they rented the trucks from the same company - a peer-to-peer app called Turo.

-THIS JUST IN: The BBC reports that the FBI now believe there are no connections or coordination between the two incidents, merely coincidences.

-As you can see, the incidents are pretty clearly domestic terrorism with Americans attacking other Americans - so naturally, Donald Trump and his MAGA minions have chosen to reject the facts and have spent most of the past 24 hours flat-out lying and claiming the attackers, particularly the New Orleans terrorist, were yet another phony example of the non-existent MOST OPEN BORDER IN THE HISTORY OF OPEN BORDERS as a way to continue to keep their followers in maximum distress heading into the White House again - as well as the naked egotism of 45/47, who followed up his wrong-about-everything posts about the New Orleans attack by declaring "I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!"

-In fact, while the attacks are examples of the need to be more sensitive and vigilant in the use of rhetoric and security at major sports and cultural events naturally, Team Trump has decided that what will be needed in response is ... wait for it ... A PRE-INAUGURATION DC MAGA RALLY THE DAY BEFORE THE INAUGURATION! Yep, yesterday it was announced that the parades and such are not enough for Trump's ego, so a rally will be produced on January 19, giving everyone another day to ignore what they are doing while following your non-legacy-media news sources for any actual news events.

-No word on whether Apparently Real President Elon Musk or intern JD Vance will be attending the January 19 event.

-Meanwhile, in the waning days of his Presidency, 2020 Presidential election winner Joe Biden continues to make moves that, at the very least, may cause a little more rash for Donnie. Just before New Years Day, the otherwise-sleepy Attorney General's office transferred the classified documents theft case to the U.S. Attorneys' office in Miami - a move designed to preserve the evidence and potential prosecution should the opportunity present itself in the future.

-Furthermore, Biden announced January 8 Committee Co-Chairs Rep. Bennie Thompson and Liz Cheney (R-Still a Cheney) will be among 20 recipients of the Presidential Citizens Medal, a sign that will anger Trump and perhaps signal other protections in the form of pre-emptive pardons of those that investigated the Trump insurrection amid threats of Trump and incoming cosplay Praetorians Ka$h Patel and Kristi Noem the Puppy-Assassin to prosecute the prosecutors and attempt to rewrite history.

-Speaking of spewing nonsense, y'know how GOPMAGA and their media just LOVE depicting cities as dystopic Hell holes where nobody can even take their groceries into their homes without marauding Mexicans or Panamanians or Canadians sweeping in to kidnap and shoot them? Well, funny thing - ABC reports that in 2024, seven of the largest cities in the country - Philadelphia, New Orleans, Washington DC, Baltimore, Memphis, Kansas City and Los Angeles - are reporting historic drops in homicide rates, ranging from a 15% drop in LA to a whopping 40% drop in Philadelphia! All those cities are run by Democrats, by the way, and we may need to dog-ear this in case Trump tries to invoke the Insurrection Act on January 20 and declare martial law over non-existent crime waves across the country because of dangerous brown people swooping in from every border you can think of ...

-This is gonna be a grind ...

-The new Congress convenes tomorrow, and the lobbying and vote-whipping to keep Mike Johnson House Speaker is on. Johnson himself went on Fox to try to shore up his support, which if Rep. Thomas Massie is true to his word as a NO vote, means Johnson must get every other GOPMAGA vote in order to hold the gavel. It is far from clear if he has that support. Whatever Democratic dysfunction there may be, it is not part of the House on this score, as it is not expected there will be any Democratic defections from Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries to hold the gavel. The threat of a delayed Speaker vote and subsequent possible delay of the Electoral College vote is at stake, which would again expose the massive dysfunction within GOPMAGA that one hopes Democrats will use to stem the tide of idiocy that is building on that side.

-If you think you have been scuffling the last few months, at least take comfort in knowing you are into Bashar al-Assad. The former Syrian dictator's bad few weeks began by becoming a former Syrian dictator as his regime crumbled after leaving the country to visit who he thought was his bestest buddy, Vladimir Putin. Then after being transported to Moscow and being given asylum, al-Assad's wife then filed for divorce, having decided Moscow was no Damascus and reportedly wanting to return to her previous big-spending life in London (not likely given security issues). And today, a Ukrainian news service (SLAVA UKRAINI!) reports al-Assad was served a cup of tainted tea, and poison was detected in his system. Cue sad trombone and begin the watch for objects falling from windows in Russia ...

-In cybernews that some may find ironic, others quite enjoyable, and still others dismissive just because ... 17 mostly MAGA states including FL, NC, TX and VA, have started the New Year finding that they cannot access PornHub, the number one site for porn in the United States and those states. The reason? New laws passed by ultra-conservative legislatures in those states that demand the verification of the age of users - a law PornHub insists is a privacy rights violation, and which the site has responded to with a video playing on the computers and computing devices in those states explaining why other sketchier sites may need to be accessed, though other sites may follow suit. Disturbing as it is, the porn industry often serves as the forefront of the use of cutting edge technologies - from VHS and CD-ROMs to online purchasing and (if you'll excuse the context) streaming services - and the universally-loathed Project 2025 calls for a ban on pornography, so this move could very well be a first and rather oddly-angled area of resistance as we enter this new, icky era ...

-On a personal note, this Substack starts my third year on this platform! What started as a way to not lard my Facebook feed with news stories and unintended flame wars and me keeping my writing skills sharp while dabbling in essay-writing (for those new to me, one of my careers is as an adjunct first-year writing teacher at 2-3 local Chicago colleges) is evolving into a semi-side hustle, for which I thank you readers and those who have left a 'tip' for me in the form of a paid subscription (I prefer to keep the main feed free, though more subscriber-only content is coming!) and looking to add more to keep things fresh. One such tweak will be seen at the end of today's entry and future entries, and I hope you enjoy, spread the word, help me monetize if you wish, and slog through what comes next together. We can and will do this ...

-NEWS ON THIS DATE: In 1920, the last of a series of raids against so-called Communists and leftists by Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer resulted in the arrest of anywhere between 3K-10K people (and it was never a problem again!). In 1923, Interior Department Secretary Albert Fall resigns in the wake of the Teapot Dome scandal. In 1935, the trial of Bruno Hauptman - charged with kidnapping and murdering the child of Charles Lindberg - began. In 1965, Alabama Quarterback Joe Namath spurned the St. Louis Cardinals and signed a then-record contract with the American Football League’s New York Jets. In 1971, cigarette advertising was banned on American television.

-FIRSTS ON THIS DATE: First Senator censured by Congress, MA's Timothy Pickering (1811), THE JACK BENNY SHOW (1949), a football championship game televised in color (1966), the 55 MPH national speed limit (1974).

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Alice Mary Robertson, Isaac Asimov, Gino Marchetti, Roger Miller, Calvin Hill, Jack Hanna, Christopher Durang, Lynda Barry, Craig James, Todd Haynes, David Cone, Edgar Martinez, Greg Swindell, Tia Carrere, Cuba Gooding Jr., Christy Turlington, Tommy Morrison, Renee Elise Goldsberry, Taye Diggs, Dax Shepard, Brian Boucher, Kate Bosworth, and Trombone Shorty.

-REST IN PEACE/REST IN POWER: Ovid, Emil Jannings, Tex Ritter, Bill Veeck, Alan Hale, Nat Adderly, Anne Francis, Pete Postlethwaite, Mean Gene Okerlund, Bob Einstein, and Sam Wyche.

-FEED THE WORMS: Convicted fraudster Rep. Dan Rostenkowski and weirdo "Reverend" Jim Bakker entered Earth on this date.

-NEW FEATURE! YOUR MUSIC TODAY! Each post will end with a video in tribute to a musician who was born or passed away on this date in history. Today, Rest in Peace/power to Darryl "The Captain" Dragon (I did consider "Muscrat Love," but I don't think we deserve that, so here's a much more straightforward version of the biggest hit he was involved with) ...