ROAST CHESTNUTS DAY UPDATES
You Provide The Fire ...
-There were two people most pleased with yesterday's U.S. House shenanigans that saw them not take action on Israel, Ukraine (SLAVA UKRAINI!) or border security but did take action with an 'impeachment' inquiry against President Biden based on literally no charges. One was the person who directed the UltraMAGA House to bring retribution and bothsiderism to the two justified impeachments made against him - and that, of course, is Ex-President Trump XCI. Trump, in between more social media rants about all the various prosecutions against him (claiming Special Prosecutor Jack Smith has appealed to the Supreme Court to get a guilty verdict against Trump, which of course is Not A Thing That Ever Happens) and a typically long-winded appearance in Iowa (insisting a second Biden term will lead to an imploding economy despite a current Biden economy that, certain prices and media wailing not withstanding, is historically booming), took advantage of the move by doing what every super-smart self-made billionaire does: 'issue' more virtual training cards that feature Trump as a Heavy Metal magazine-era well-oiled and uber-muscular strong man. For those who made extra-big purchases, Trump added what the campaign claims is a swath of the suit worn in the Trump mug shot where he vowed to NEVER SURRENDER while surrendering. Conspiracy theorists mentioned that these 'sales' are signals to foreign powers to come to Mar-a-Lago to buy some more classified documents - ALLEGEDLY.
-The other person super-thrilled with the UltraMAGA House is the man likely in the poster next to Trump in their bedrooms: Vladimir Putin. Putin was described as "giddy" in a press appearance in which he thanked the UltraMAGAts for blocking aid to Ukraine, and insisted that despite losing at least 85% of his standing army after 22 months of war, the "goal" of "removing" "Nazis" from Ukraine was still in place - especially since Ukraine aid was still firmly stalled amid Congressional wrangling over border security funding (though Semafor reports the White House is relenting on GOP demands to relax certain immigration regulations that would slow the migration rate to the glee of Republicans and anger of some progressive Democrats if passed). With winter now in place in Ukraine it is not expected to see any major military action in that country through the winter, although other reports claim Russian military action in the coming weeks will be focused on continued softening of Western support to Ukraine rather than any counteroffensives.
-As also expected, the very angry House Oversight Committee vowed to file contempt of Congress charges against The Worst Person Ever To Be An American in America: Hunter Biden (dumdumdum) after Biden appeared outside Congress and vowed not to testify before the Oversight Committee unless he also appeared in a public hearing, which the GOP rejected. The fight to enforce the subpoena will be led by Jim "Gym" Jordan (OtheR Way, OH), who continues to defy a subpoena served to him and several other House Republicans first issued by the January 6 Commission while continuing to persecute Hunter and ignore his own subpoena. For their part, the White House is ready to fight the House because of the lack of justification of the move - not to mention a belief it can bulk up Biden's polling numbers (which remain low as the media continues to remind the world that Biden has a lot of years piled up on him).
-Rudy Giuliani, after talking tough earlier in the week about former GA election workers Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, decided to show his true self and cowardly refused to testify on his behalf in the defamation trial of Freeman and Moss - going even further deeper behind the chicken coop and no-showing this morning at the court house where the trial continues. If guilty, Rudy could be on the hook for up to $43M in damages (though many reports claim Rudy, who is already also part of two defamation trials involving voting machines and a criminal defendant in the GA fake electors case, is close to bankruptcy and may not be able to make any payments at all). The case may be going to judgment next week.
-Representatives of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu loudly declared yesterday that Bibi remains firmly opposed to any two-state governing solution to the Gaza War, where intensive bombing and newly-reported losses by Israel are adding to international pressure on the Israeli government to back off the intense fighting. Right now, sadly, the bombing continues along with mounting international pressure - which includes White House comments that Netanyahu and Biden are not on the same page when it comes to how to mete punishment on HAMAS and not Palestinians literally caught in the cross-fire - or a long-term solution.
-In sportsball news, the details of Shohei Ohtani's contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers reveal what may be one of the most advantageous contracts ever signed in sports history. The 10-year, $700 million contract has one of the most unusual distributions ever: Ohtani will receve $680M of the $700M AFTER he completes the contract in order for the already mega-wealthy Dodgers to remain active in foreign and free agency markets to build what is already a talent-rich roster that has traditionally flopped in the playoffs. Even better is a clause that would allow Ohtani to opt out of the contract should the Dodgers be sold and the new owners are not to Ohtani's liking. For context, the Chicago Cubs were in play because, at a mere $600M level, it was estimated Ohtani would generate $15-20M a year in Asian markets with Ohtani on the roster. All for a two-way player who is recovering from Tommy John surgery, putting some doubt on the pitching part of the man's game.
-We close with the latest list of 25 films to be selected to be part of the Library of Congress' National Film Registry - a list that includes the old (a 1921 educational movie about movies called "A Movie Trip Through Filmland"), the Oscar-winners (12 YEARS A SLAVE, 20 FEET FROM STARDOM) and the popular and culture-defining (APOLLO 13, FAME, HOME ALONE, LADY AND THE TRAMP, THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY). There are 875 films now in the Registry.
-On this date in 1905, the Indianapolis Motor Speedway was completed. On this date in 1911, Roald Amundson became the first known human to reach the South Pole. On this date in 1985, the awesomely-named Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to become a chief of a Native American tribe (the Cherokee nation). On this date in 1995, the Dayton Agreement ended the conflict in the former Yugoslavia. And on this date in 2012, 28 people including 20 children were killed in a mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, CT.
-Notable premieres on this date: The Quantum Theory of Modern Physics (1900), Felix the Cat (1919), NASCAR (formed in 1947), THE TOWERING INFERNO (1974), LONDON CALLING (1979), PHILADELPHIA (1993), KING KONG (2005 remake).
-Happy Birthday to Nostradamus, Jimmy Doolittle, Margaret Chase Smith, Frances Bavier, Morey Amsterdam, Spike Jones, Dan Dailey, Shirley Jackson, June Taylor, Clark Taylor, Don Hewitt, Raj Kapoor, Charlie Rich, George Furth, Lee Remick, Carl Scheer, Ernie Davis, Michael Ovitz, Stan Smith, Patty Duke, Dee Wallace Stone, Bill Buckner, Cliff Williams, John Lurie, Anthony Mason, Kyle Shanahan, Vanessa Hudgens, and DK Metcalfe.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to George Washington, John Harvey Kellogg, Dinah Washington, William Bendix, Walter Lippman, Arthur Treacher, Elston Howard, Roger Maris, Andrei Sakharov, Friedrich Durrenmatt, Myrna Loy, Stubby Kaye, Norman Fell, Ahmet Ertegun, Mike Evans, Peter O'Toole, Bess Meyerson, Lillian Vernon, Jeannie Morris, and Ken Kragen.
-Feed the Worms: Former FBI Director James Comey entered Earth on this date. Vlad the Impaler lived up to his name by buying it on the battlefield ont this date. Ultra-racist Governor Orval Faubus also bought it on this date.