NATIONAL TATER TOT DAY UPDATES

The Clown Show Is Officially OPEN

-The 118^th House had its first set of meetings yesterday, and the new UltraMAGA GOP Leadership did not disappoint – nor, perhaps surprisingly for some, did the Democratic and bureaucratic counter-attacks. Here are some highlights …

-We start with GOP Party Leader Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA). She spent her first hearing in the House Oversight Committee asking perplexed witness Comptroller General Gene Dodaro why an elementary school got $5.1 billion in COVID relief money to teach equality and “critical race theory” (which Greene wholly inaccurately described as teaching white people to hate themselves over slavery). When told that $5.1 billion did NOT go to an IL elementary school Greene responded, “Oh.” She then went on to ask Dodaro about “drag queen story time” to which the head of the government organization responsible for RESPONSIBLE SPENDING OF MONEY responded, “I thought you were asking about dry cleaning …”

-Not to be outdone, fellow GOP Leader Rep. Matt Gaetz (Hey GiRl(?), FL, man) opened a House Judiciary Committee hearing by pompously asking to pass a resolution to say the Pledge of Allegiance before the start of each hearing. In response, Rep. David Cicciline (D-RI) proposed an amendment to the request in which the Pledge would be said – but that the pledge “shall not be led by an individual who supported an insurrection against the government of the U.S. in any way.” If enforced, that would mean Gaetz – as well as Judiciary Chair Jim “Gym” Jordan and 12 other GOP members of the Judiciary Committee – would not be allowed to lead the pledge. The debate over Gaetz’ idea took an hour before the initial amendment was approved without Cicilline’s amendment.

-But the award for Best Calling Out may go to someone whose ability to do just that has been unquestioned to everyone except Republicans: Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA). In a hearing of the House Rules Committee, a GOP resolution that “denounces socialism in all its forms, and opposes the implementation of socialist policies in the United States” brought a scoff from Waters, asking why the Committee was wasting time on that instead of the debt ceiling and budget cuts they wanted to make. Thinking he had Waters cornered, election-denialist Rep. Guy Reschenthaler (R-PA) asked Waters why she didn’t want to condemn socialism.

-Guy’s gotcha question to Waters: “In your opening remarks, you were talking about Putin, Kim Jong Un, and Xi. You know what they have all in common, right?” Waters’ instant response: “Trump.” She then went on to remind Guy and the rest of the Republicans that it is their Ex-President that has spoken repeatedly, publicly, and proudly of his admiration for those three leaders as well as other repressive leaders worldwide, even bringing receipts in the form reading statements Trump made about Kim expressing “love” of the North Korean dictator – Waters at one point asking Guy “You sure you want to hear the rest of this?” After repeated back-and-forths in which Guy’s attempts to make Waters look like a socialist lover being effortlessly flipped (even trying to “reclaim his time” to do so) to Waters pointing out that it is Trump and members of the GOP who openly embrace and long for more autocratic rulers in this country, Guy dropped the attempts. No word on how he treated the stiletto heel wounds inflicted on him over the exchange.

-While entertaining, these hearings are the opening salvos in what Republicans want to do: use the power of their House hearings to create television shows devoid of legislative and policy debate, but fulfilling their primary goal to OWN DA LIBZ – even when that means Democrats consistently expose and ridicule the emptiness of the GOP’s actions.

-Away from the hearing rooms, another move was made that will certainly be seen on a C-SPAN morning near you. The ultimate GOP fetish, Hunter Biden, has filed letters to Federal and state prosecutors demanding investigations be opened against individuals responsible for the dissemination of data from a “laptop computer” (show me the actual laptop and I’ll begin to listen to arguments about it), including the repairman who got the alleged device, almost-former attorney Rudy Giuliani, and Tucker Carlson. Expect similar tactics when Oversight Committee Chair James Comer (HunteR!, KY) calls Tucker for hearings designed to make Hunter as vilified as Hillary Clinton once was.

-For those who are not fond of Groundhog Day in the United States, be grateful you aren’t in Quebec this morning. There, the resident season-predicting rodent, Fred La Mormotte, apparently saw such a horrifying vision of the next six weeks of winter that he was found dead in his hole, forcing officials to quickly try to slip a stuffed doll in his place to pull out during the sunrise ceremony. Let us all tip a Molson Golden to the memory of Fred as we bundle up for the rest of the season …

-On this date in 1876, baseball’s National League was founded. On this date in 1913, Grand Central Station opened in New York City. On this date in 1968, one of the most iconic photographs of the Vietnam War –a civilian being shot in the head by a North Vietnamese official caught at the moment of the pistol being fired – was published across the world. And on this date in 1990, the African National Congress regained its legal status in South Africa, paving the way for the release of Nelson Mandela from prison.

-Happy Birthday to Tallyrand, Solomon Guggenheim, James Joyce, George Halas, Howard Johnson (he was RIGHT!), James Dickey, Liz Smith, Red Schoendienst, Elaine Stritch, Stan Getz, Robert Mandan, Tommy Smothers, Barry Diller, Graham Nash, Farrah Fawcett, Ina Garten, Jessica Savitch, Brent Spiner, Christie Brinkley, Dexter Manley, Erik ten Hag, James Murphy, and Shakira.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to periodic element table creator Dmitri Mendeleev, John L. Sullivan, Boris Karloff, Bertrand Russell, Sid Vicious, Bert Parks, Donald Pleasance, Gene Kelly, Sanford Meisner, Max Schmeling, Earl Butz, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bob Elliott, and Bill Fitch.

-Feed the Worms: would-be political philosopher, known hypocrite of said ‘philosophy’ and quantifiably horrible writer Ayn Rand entered Earth on this date.