NATIONAL PUBLIC SPEAKING DAY UPDATES

Stand Up Straight! Louder! Get Your Hands Out of Your Pants!

-Results in MI came out with minor variances in both parties. On the Republican side, Ex-President Trump (R-apist) XCI again defeated Nikki Haley, though again he underperformed expectations by about 10% compared to polling and expectations. On the Democratic side, President Biden got over 80% of the vote, with the “uncommitted” protest vote meant to push Biden to end support for Israel in their war in Palestine getting 13% of the vote – somewhat under the predicted 13% and a little above a similar protest vote of 11% from 2012 when then-President Obama ran for re-election and was using drones to strike targets in Afghanistan. And we ALL know what this meant …

-The pre-selected Pundit Media Narrative of OHNOESBIDENINTROUBLEHENEEDSTOENDIHISCAMPAIGNYESTERDAYDEMSINDISARRAYPHAREEKTHEPHUCKOUTDEMOCRATS! Was uncorked – albeit in some ways slightly less nutty than was just expressed textually. The vote was expected, and the turnout on the Democratic side was actually larger than expected, and the Biden campaign has vowed to work to listen to voters concerned about the situation in the Middle East (not to mention MI) while reminding people that the option in November would not only allow Benjamin Netanyahu to increase bombing but add internment camps and deportments to the mix here in the States.

-In the meantime, other pundits keep pointing to Haley continuing to siphon off voters to keep Trump from getting close to the kinds of numbers a quasi-incumbent should, along with polling that, if accurate (and let’s be real, it hasn’t been this cycle), shows a significant percentage of Haley voters (theoretically 10-15%), are never Trump voters, indicating a bit of a problem with keeping his base, much less trying to expand his base to win come November.

-One other person that drew an odd conclusion from yesterday’s results was Marianne Williamson. The former Democratic Presidential candidate looked at the roughly 78% margin of defeat at the hands of Biden yesterday and decided that the result was enough for her to “unsuspend” and resume her campaign, such as it was, for the Democratic nomination. Williamson intends to run on the political media narrative of BIDEN B OLD and therefore in need of replacement with the “Uncommitted” vote as additional ballast, such as it is. The rest of the party notes that at least she seems marginally more popular than Dean Richards, an actual candidate on the Democratic side that still believes he is running a viable campaign.

-Biden and Trump will come the closest they have so far this cycle to interacting with each other tomorrow when both will have events on the Mexican border – Biden to illustrate that he has crafted an immigration reform bill that was expressly rejected by Trump’s MAGA allies in the House for the specific reason of appeasing Trump, Trump to demand Biden do something to end the “MASSIVE” overrun of the border by criminals and fentanyl addicts (not true, of course) and make people forget that he is actually the reason for Congressional inaction.

-Now, one thing Congress IS acting on today, is Their Favorite Binky, Hunter Biden (dumdumDUMMMM), who as this update is being compiled is testifying in yet another attempt to flog the attempt to impeach Hunter’s dad for … ah … er … um … eh … REASONS! The hearing comes despite one of the main witnesses touted by Chair James Comer (HunteR!, KY) being arrested and detained for being a Russian spy and feeding the Committee Russian disinformation about Hunter and Joe Biden. Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz (FL) has promised to not only declare the Biden impeachment dead, but to “read the kaddish” as part of the hearing.

-In schadenfreude news, speaking of faux Republican crimes … oh, no - it’s Lauren Boebert AGAIN! The Boebs (MAGA, Hands UP!, CO) took to the social medias earlier yesterday to once again pump and oil about “The Biden Crime Family” being the most corrupt Presidential family EVAH! And later in the day … you KNOW what’s about to happen … Boebert’s eldest son Tyler, 18, was arrested and charged with 22 – that’s TWENTY-TWO – felony charges that, according to police officials in Rifle, CO (I SWEAR I’m not making that up!), “a recent string of vehicle trespass and property thefts.” Tyler is in the local county jail, and mom is still a paragon of MAGA femininity instead of that icky lee-brul Biden loving non-woman Taylor Swift!

-THIS JUST IN: Team Trump has asked Judge Arthur Engoron if it’s okay with Engoron that, rather than post the entire $350M+ fine assessed for Trump’s financial fraud, if Trump could just post $100M of it and call it even? It is likely that Engoron and NY Attorney General Tish James will reply “Uh … no,” and go with the GoodFellas Payment Plan (FK YOU – PAY US!) with James poised to begin proceedings to seize Trump properties to pay for the fine.

-While that is going on, yesterday the hearing to determine if Fulton County DA Fani Willis be taken off that state’s case involving Trump attempting to steal GA’s 2020 electoral votes form the winner of the state, Joe Biden, took another rake-whacking courtesy of a witness who, despite being called by Trump allies to try to impugn when a romantic relationship involving another prosecutor on the Trump case started before testimony said it did, admitted he only had “speculation” as to when the relationship started. There seems to continue to be a question as to what exactly the issue would be with the now-ended relationship and the Trump case, though that did not stop Trump from claiming in a social media post that “the case (is) OVER!” No decision has been made, though the entire hearing has been criticized for its salaciousness and overt racism in allowing white attorneys demand answers from two successful black attorneys about their friendship and sexual relationship.

-In this week’s episode of “What Are Republicans Angry At NOW?!” the answer is … ice cream! Yes, the cool and delicious treat is the target of GOP ire because (a) it is the favorite food of President Biden, and more importantly (b) Biden discussed ongoing negotiations over a cease-fire between Israel and Palestine while enjoying a big vanilla ice cream cone after appearing on Seth Myers’ late night show on Monday. Fox News’ Jesse Waters and Newsmax’ Greg Kelley were particularly apoplectic, both decrying the obvious lack of seriousness of answering a question being asked of reporters (rather than ignoring it which also would have made a wave – see BIDEN B OLD above) and attempting to do one of MAGAWorld’s favorite things, making anything vaguely Democratic an example of beta male-dom and Not Manly In The Least.

-After that last story, you may want to partake in a frozen dairy treat, which allows me to close today’s update with a Fast Food Update involving Wendy’s Restaurants. This morning, it was announced that the chain would be dropping an idea proposed earlier this week that would have introduced ‘surge pricing’ on their menu. Had it been enacted, it would have marked up prices during ‘peak’ hours of operation along the lines of Uber and Lyft. There was, however, plenty of pushback on the idea, so this morning they backpedaled, allowing all you Frosty fans to relax, knowing the price you see when you pull in is the price you will pay no matter what time of day it is!

-On this date in 1983, MASH set a record for being one of the most-watched episodes in television history as its last episode was aired. On this date in 1991, Sadaam Hussein accepted a cease-fire, ending the brief Persian Gulf War and allowing him to stay in power for another decade and change. On this date in 1993, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms initiated a raid on the Branch Davidian cult compound and met fierce resistance, with four ATF agents killed, 15 wounded, and beginning an armed standoff with ATF and the Branch Dividian leader, David Koresh. And on this date in 2013, Pope Benedict XVI resigned the papacy – the first to do so without first dying since Pope Gregory XII in 1415.

-Notable debuts on this date: Egypt (independent country, 1920), televised basketball (1940), DNA’s double-helix struture (1953).

-Happy Birthday to Ben Hecht, Molly Picon, Linus Pauling, Zero Mostel, Saul Zaentz, Chares Durning, Frank Gehry, Hayden Fry, Gavin MacLeod, Foge Fazio, Tommy Tune, Mario Andretti, Bob Collins, Brian Jones, Frank Bonner, Donnie Iris, Bubba Smith, Bernadette Peters, Mercedes Ruehl, Mike Figgis, William Finn, Paul Krugman, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Adrian Dantley, Gilbert Gottfried, Cindy Wilson, John Turturro, Dorothy Stratten, Robert Sean Leonard, Lemony Snicket, Eric Lindros, Tayshaun Prince, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Marketa Irglova, and Luka Doncic.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Maxwell Anderson, Henry Luce, Eddie “Rochester” Anderson, Mr. Ed, Olof Palme, Harvey Kuehn, Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., Mike Smith, Paul Harvey, Jane Russell, Anthony Mason, Harvey Schmidt, Andre Prein, and Irv Cross.

-Feed the Worms: Bugsy Siegel, Brian Billick and Jason Aldean entered Earth on this date.