NATIONAL OPEN AN UMBRELLA INDOORS DAY UPDATES

Because Honestly, You Think THAT Will Invoke a Curse To Make Things Nuttier Than They Already Are?!

-I don’t know about any of all y’all, but for me it was late Tuesday night, when after a day of threats between the U.S. and Canada over the truly asinine Trump Trade War that led to a rollback of the biggest threatening tariffs between the country (involving electric to the US and red state products like bourbon going up north) the day ended with Trump out of nowhere applying 25% STUPIDSTUPID tariffs on aluminum and steel on Europe and Asian countries, that put me over the edge of how to wrap my mind around what Trump and President Elon Musk are doing. Given the utter lack of rationality, economic theory, empathy, common sense, or anything else anyone else can claim about WTF, there seems to be no other succinct explanation for what is happening is that the United States is currently being ruled by not one, but two Mad Kings – with all the baggage, psychopathy, and yet somehow shards of entertainment, that such a declaration entails.

-No other explanation can cover these STUPIDSTUPID tariffs, which are only considered “good” in the rancid brain goo of Trump and the emergent worst of the worst MAGA suck-ups – with Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and, especially, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick the biggest vacuums insisting that Dear Leader’s proclamations that these STUPIDSTUPID tariffs will result in honey flowing through the streets in no time – after “a little pain” needs to be endured in order to get said honey.

-That line – suffer now for future riches – is the emergent talking point Team Trump is starting to use as a hedge for the free-falling stock market (another 450 580 points lost as of this writing), massive inflation being lined up by said tariffs (even though the White House is trying to insist eggs are cheaper than they have ever been since Trump regained office, which may be true but does not take into account the accelerated prices that started since November), the continued savage cuts to the federal work force (which Bessent has described as “a detox,” as he and Trump are attempting to tell MAGAts that it is those lazy Federal workers that are the source of … whatever economic bad stuff is happening?), and diversion from building disgust and hatred towards Trump and Apartheid Boy.

-That also covers the continued frankly insane actions these guys are doing anyway. On the STUPIDSTUPID tariff front, the aluminum/steel STUPIDSTUPID tariffs were countered by the European Union with similar cuts targeted to the MAGA Red States – big bourbon taxes, y’all! – and a reported desire to take it to Orange Fat Bastard. So of course, because any challenge to OFB is automatically an attack on OFB’s self-sense of manhood and desire to assert his tiny mushroom as much as he can, Trump “countered” with a 200% REALLYSTUPIDSTUPID tariff on French wine and champagne – TAKE THAT, GIRLY GIRLY FRENCHMEN (IF YOU REALLY ARE “MEN”)! We may be closer to new batches of bathtub gin soon …

-Meanwhile, that embarrassing to anyone not named Musk or Trump dumb show where several of Musk’s rapidly-becoming-unsellable Teslas were driven onto the White House in order to be pitched (literally - copies of the ad copy were clearly seen in Trump’s wee tiny hands as he read the copy) to people to sell to happened after E got emotional about all the money and market share he continues to lose thanks to his involvement with Trump. In fact, some reports claimed E was so upset he broke down in tears over how much money he was losing in the Oval Office, which prompted Trump to “promise” to buy a Tesla (no evidence he has, shocker!) and the whole scene as it played out.

-Because it is clear the bad press and worse losses are getting to E, even though he continues to spend most of his waking hours with his literal DOGE boys looking for jobs to cut and phony savings to claim. Not enough to totally break his habits, mind you – he has an office in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building (because WHY???) and has reportedly set up a giant screen TV to allow him R&R by cheating as he has the reputation of playing video games. And his sensitivities, bad business instincts, worse ability to actually get things done, and overall attachment to Trump continues to drive that Mad King madder.

-As for the Veep, well, he has been posting incessantly when he isn’t making other European leaders super-uncomfortable (the latest being Irish Prime Minister Michael Martin), making hideous hateful statements about personal enemies (as he did yesterday by proclaiming Democratic Senate Minority Leader Schumer was “Palestinian” as a smear against Schumer, who is Jewish, as well as an ugly reference to still-imprisoned Columbia University student Mahmoud Khalil), and continuing to stretch his Fascist freak flag (again reportedly ready to invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 to accelerate the slow-because-there-aren’t-nearly-as-many-as-he-and-his-hordes-said-they-were purging of all non-white people on the Continental United States expulsion of immigrants and brown people), as a Mad King is wont to do.

-And THIS JUST IN, and OOOH BOY is this gonna make the Mad King MAD! A Federal judge in California has ordered the immediate reinstatement of thousands of probationary workers across a number of Federal agencies fired by the Office of Personnel and Management – with more agencies possibly also being covered by the order – ruling that the reasons stated by Team Trump were likely lies and that the firings were “not legal.” It is the biggest slap against Project 2025 to date – and it follows a new filing by States Attorneys General in the wake of the layoff of nearly half of the staff of the Department of Education to try to stop those firings. Those layoffs are promised to be the first step in what Trump and MAGA pray will be the end of that Department through getting rid of workers rather than do what they are supposed to do: take Congressional action to close a Cabinet department.

-That brings us to Congress, specifically to the Senate, and even more specifically to the Democratic Senate Caucus, where they are wresting with an admittedly difficult decision over what is labelled a Continuing Resolution from the U.S. House ostensibly lifting the debt ceiling, but including a pile of MAGA-desired savage social service budget cuts, ceding of Congressional power to our Mad Kings (in particular Apartheid Boy), and a promise from the White House that they are happy to ignore the listed cuts and make even more budget cuts so as to make MAGA orgasm (and which was used to get the votes needed to pass). The bill is odious, but it is needed to keep the Government open, and therein lies the rub for the Democrats.

-Rejecting the CE will likely mean the Government will close, which Democrats fear will be blamed on them as well as all the economic messes that would erupt thereafter. Accepting the CE as written would waive a white flag in both Houses of Congress with fingerprints of both parties on the flag to let the Mad Kings do pretty much anything they wanted save for the occasional court ruling. And a “clean” CR – which is what normally happens – will not likely be accepted by the cowardly Senate Republicans, and might not be able to be voted on as House members are not in DC, having been sent home by MAGA Speaker Mike Johnson.

-The counterargument, of course, grows out of what MAGA and The Mad Kings have already done and would likely do anyway, on top of the general knowledge in the electorate that Democrats like government and Republicans don’t, and so of course Republicans are happy with closing the government, so BFD. OH, and there is the now-alive and seething Democratic base who have heard reports that Congressional Democrats are super-annoyed with their voters and wish they would get off their backs because they aren’t in power and what do you want them to DO?!

-What we (and yes, I include me in this) want them to do is to FIGHT – and, yesterday, Minority Leader Schumer announced in a midafternoon press conference they were opposed to the CR. Given the CR is being filibustered, it needs Democratic votes to pass, and by all appearances there aren’t enough to do it. Seven Democrats would have to vote, and so far only one – PA’s John Fetterman – has announced opposition to closing the government. (One GOP Senator, Rand Paul, is also opposed to the CR, but for more MAGA-ish reasons.)

-The press conference was met with righteous approval by Democrats … until more reports started to emerge from Huffington Post and Talking Points Memo that what Schumer might actually be doing is to set up “amendments” for a clean CR and conditions for CR (like telling Musk to piss up a rope) that would fail because no Republicans will support any … in exchange for dropping the filibuster on the CR, which would then pass on a simple majority of 53 Republicans (plus Fetterman minus Paul) and apparently nothing else.

-Needless to say, rank-and-file Democrats are already screaming that Schumer better not DARE to make that kind of a super-cutesy parliamentary dipsy-do that would give The Mad Kings everything AND allow everyone except House Democrats to comfortably feel Trump’s wee tiny thumb placed over them. But, the fact that this scheme is now in the open may make it tougher to pull it off – indeed, two Senators that were iffy yesterday on the CR, CO’s John Hickenlooper and VA’s Mark Warner, are now full-throated NO to the CR itself, and the growing sense is we know the White House wants to close the government, a line needs to be drawn and they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do no matter what, so time to stand up to the Constitution (although the need to name another reason for closing the government, like keeping workers hired or attacking Elon himself, would not hurt).

-The deadline to pass the CR and keep the government open is midnight Friday, although Monday would be the first day where a government closing would be felt and seen. STAY TUNED to this Substack for an update on this situation on Sunday …

-On to Ukraine – or to be more specific, Saudi Arabia, where the first set of what might be peace talks to end Russia’s invasion of Ukraine have begun. They opened with a gambit from Ukrainian President Zelenskyy: a 30-day cease-fire to assess the situation and perhaps get all the sides involved in the discussions. The proposal was positively received by the U.S., but to the surprise of pretty much nobody else not received well by Vladimir Putin.

-On the heels of the still-shocking heel turn made by Trump against Ukraine towards Trump’s Daddy Vladimir, work to rebuild the US/Ukraine relationship has continued as Ukraine is now receiving massive European Union support and both Ukraine and Russia position themselves for future talks. The presumption is the US – or at least Trump – will be a virtual partner with Putin, while each side continues the war (as Russia continued bombing residential areas while the largest drone strike in the conflict hit Moscow early this week). These talks also continue amid the aforementioned STUPIDSTUPID tariff war between Trump and France, as well as Trump’s continued threatening rhetoric towards Greenland, Canada, and even today, the Panama Canal. Talks are good, so we shall monitor them as they continue …

-SLAVA UKRAINI!

-We close asking people to continue to exert pressure on Democratic Senators to vote NO on the Continuing Resolution and NO to any funny business where the CR winds up on the floor free of a filibuster. THIS JUST IN: The first Senator besides Fetterman to say he is leaning towards supporting the procedural dipsy-do is VA’s Tim Kaine, so you have your assignments … call, use social media if the inboxes are full, keep those Senate virtual switchboards lit, and fight the fight!

-Now, the histories …

-NEWS ON THIS DATE: In 1781, the planet Uranus was discovered (QUIET IN BACK OF THE CLASS THERE!). In 1925, the state of Tennessee passed a bill banning the teaching of the theory of evolution. In 1965, Eric Clapton left the Yardbirds and is replaced by Jeff Beck. In 2012, Encyclopedia Brittanica ended publication of its printed version (it is still digitized, and used as a source for these updates!). In 2013, Buenos Aires Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio became Pope Francis I. In 2020, Breonna Taylor was shot and killed by police officers in Louisville, KY (her killers were not punished).

-DEBUTS ON THIS DATE: Uncle Sam (1852), earmuffs (1877), the horse racing starting gate (1894), THE CBS WORLD NEWS ROUNDUP (1938), the K-9 Army Coups (1942), THE SEARCHERS (1956), TJ HOOKER (He’s A Good Cop!, 1982), occupants on the Space Station Mir (1986), PARIS IS BURNING (1991).

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Walter Annenberg, Sammy Kaye, Lightnin’ Slim, Al Jaffee, Roy Haynes, Mike Stoller, Neil Sedaka, William H. Macy. Fred Berry, Robin Duke, Glenne Headley, Dana Delany, Adam Clayton, Terrence Blanchard, Chris Zorich, Annabeth Gish, Curtis Conway, Johan Santana, Emile Hirsch, Marco Andretti, P.K. Subban, Mikaela Shiffrin, Jack Harlow, and Coco Gauff.

-REST IN PEACE/POWER: Benjamin Harrison, Susan B. Anthony, Clarence Darrow, Kitty Genovese, John Cazale, Krzysztof Kiesolowski, Garson Kanin, Lee Falk, Maureen Stapleton, Al Rosen, Dr. T. Barry Brazelton, Marvelous Marvin Hagler, William Hurt, Jim Gordon, and Joe Pepitone.

-FEED THE WORMS: Crappy sci-fi author, crappier cult leader and worse writer L. Ron Hubbard, Iran-Contra bigwheel William J. Casey, uber-right commentator Charles Krauthammer, billionaire douche Jamie Dimon, and rapist Danny Masterson entered Earth on this date.

-TODAY’S MUSIC INTERLUDE: Happy Birthday to Greg Norton, handlebar-mustachioed bassist for the mighty indie trio Husker Du!