NATIONAL OLD STUFF DAY UPDATES

And We ARE Talking About Objects!

-I don't know why I've started and stopped looking for an introduction to this update, because everyone reading obviously knows where someone who is a political nerd like me is going to go - and that is what I will call the incident in the White House on Friday where Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy arrived thinking the main item on the agenda was to sign a mineral rights agreement that would allow for some sort of reassurance of continued American backing ... only to find himself the object of a seemingly choreographed hissy fit sprung on him by Vice President Donald Trump and Administrative Intern JD Vance that has shook governments across the globe (while also giving Putinites and MAGAts orgasms).

-Most readers have likely seen clips of how it all went down, from Vance pointing his spindly finger and pouting his mascara-ed butt-haired face demanding Zelenskyy "thank" Trump (not America, please note) for all the support bestowed on him (Zelenskyy has thanked America hundreds of times in public since PUTIN INVADED HIS COUNTRY in 2022) to Dear Leader trying with his wee tiny hand to 'shove' Zelenskyy with his massively long tie hiding his tiny mushroomed crotch area, and from Trump recalling through his brain goo what Daddy Vlad told him to say about Zelenskyy potentially starting World War III (a tired Russian propaganda line) to Marjorie Taylor Greene's squeeze, Real America's Voice (that's a MAGA outlet) 'reporter' Brian "BeeFace" Glynn ("BeeFace" because of the bad botox injections he has used since he and Marge started boinking) sneeringly asking why Zelenskyy didn't wear a suit and tie (he was wearing a Ukrainian military uniform - and, naturally, BeeFace didn't ask President Musk why HE went to a Cabinet meeting wearing a MAGA baseball cap and "Tech Support" T-shirt - or WTF he was there in the first place) (but I digress).

-It was quite the shite show, and as Zelenskyy left the meeting without signing the mineral rights agreement that was the ostensible item on the to-do list, the thought pieces of what just happened and why started to roar. Was the intern brought in to deliberately scuttle the agreement Ukraine and the U.S. was going to sign? Was Vance brought in out of fear that Trump would say something incredibly stupid? Was Vance brought in to goad Trump into saying something incredibly stupid? Was the entire thing a trap from the get-go and should Zelenskyy have been aware of it? Did Zelenskyy realize as the meeting unspooled that it was a trap and decide to blow up the meeting himself? Was Zelenskyy ritually humiliated as that is the only Viagra that works on Trump? And, of course, what happens now???

-I am not a geopolitical expert. All I do is read the news and non-Musk social media feeds and listen to some podcasts and try to recall what I have read about people's consistent behaviors before applying Occam's Razor - the best answer is the simplest answer - to attempt to make enough sense of things to allow me to continue to function. So here's one more voice to add to the conversation ...

-(STANDS ON SOAPBOX)

-Trump has never in his life executed any kind of coherent plan about anything he has ever done, and he is now 78 years old and clearly in far worse emotional, mental and physical health than he ever has been. That he plotted to humiliate Zelenskyy is silly because he humiliates everyone he encounters except himself and Putin. BUT, one thing he DOES love to do is to "win" all negotiations (because to him a negotiation has a winner and loser, not a mutual agreement to help both parties). AND, he also harbors tons of resentments, like resenting Zelenskyy over not helping Trump get dirt on Joe Biden, which was the meat of Trump's first impeachment, in case Legacy Media Inc. didn’t mention it.

-SO, with all that gurgling in his skull, a prideful younger man wearing a military uniform who isn't cowed by him at all coming into "his" office with a deal that (while we never saw it) was probably better for Ukraine than anyone else was thinking it would be (because ArT oF ThE DeAl!) was more than likely to make him pop off - especially with the guy chomping at the bit to get his job who has been shunted to the kids' table thanks to Apartheid Boy taking his figurative and at times literal place sitting there hoping (and maybe needing?) to make an impression on the world and Dear Leader himself.

-If it was a plan, it was, as befitting these two, a stupid plan poorly executed. Vance and Trump insisting Zelenskyy bend his hips to them because Zelenskyy "does not have the cards" and "overplayed his hand" is a flat-out wrong misreading of where things stand in Ukraine.

-If Ukraine (to play this dumb analogy out) did not have the cards, why is the game still going on? Russia, recall, was so confident it would take Kyiv in a matter of hours it had a military parade scheduled to go through Kyiv's streets days after the invasion - so the fact that Ukraine has held Russia to (at worst) a draw three years and counting is a testament to one Hell of a game their military is and continues to play. It is Putin who has the weak hand, needing Trump to shiv Ukraine deeply enough to then hopefully blow up NATO and allow Putin to flip the table and win. That Putin would then presume that a guy who went bankrupt WHILE RUNNING CASINOS would be able to win makes one wonder how many geopolitical super-geniuses it takes to screw up the world.

-And makes people who do know how to play cards really try to get these chumps into a game.

-Anyway, DC Hold'Em aside, the tenor and voice of the meeting itself further feeds my belief this was a poorly-calculated plan at best. Watching 10 minutes of the event, Zelenskyy is the only person in control of his emotions, faculties, and vocals. He gets worked up but never raises his voice to a screech, sits comfortably, and even gives can-you-believe-this-crap takes to the cameras. In contrast, Trump and especially Vance constantly interrupt, run on, and overmodulate their voices, insisting that NO THEY DID NOT BREAK THAT WINDOW - and that was somebody else's baseball that came into the house! - and just act the brats that they are.

-Because if this WAS a plan to try to box Zelenskyy in, the far smarter play would have been to get his signatures on the agreement before having the public event. That way, with a deal in hand, a public dressing-down really would have been humiliating, with Zelenskyy leaving knowing he just signed a piece of paper that was literally not worth the sheet itself having to face an angry populace that could finally be done with him to end the war and give Putin whatever he wants to stop the shooting. Or so the story might have gone.

-But the signatures were not made (and we woulda known from Mr. Sharpie), and that meant tables could be turned to favor Ukraine and leave more-expensive-than-ever eggs on the faces of the Americans in the room. Because we have emotionally stunted doofuses running our Government and foreign policy right now.

-(STEPS OFF SOAPBOX)

-Needless to say, the only people praising Trump are Russians (who charmingly referred to Zelenskyy as "a pig"), MAGAts (with human canker sore Steve Bannon applauding what they saw as putting Zelenskyy in his place), cowed Republicans (mysteriously but ridiculously obviously compromised Lindsay Graham having one of his trademark conniption fits over Zelenskyy's behavior before sitting next to Dear Leader at his golf dump last night), sellout Republicans (Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who during the Oval Office meeting sunk so low into the couch he was sitting in that John Fugelsang worried that "JD Vance would try to f*ck him!", turning around and demanding Zelenskyy apologize to Daddy), and sellout suckup cowed Russia-loving MAGAts (House Speaker Mike Johnson telling Kristin Welker Todd on MEET THE PRESS that Zelenskyy should resign as President of Ukraine because of being so mean to Donny!).

-And of course Trump, who just reposted on his fringe social media site some drivel about being a MaStER NEgotiAtoR! and that Zelenskyy will "have no choice" but to come and change Trump in exchange for ... uh ... because Trump says so?

-Because about that whole nowhere-else-to-go thing ... uh, no. Within hours of the White House blowup, Zelenskyy met in person with British Prime Minister Neil Starmer, who "warmly" welcomed him, promised that Great Britain would always welcome Zelenskyy, and then organized a summit with all the leaders of the G6, European Union and NATO members not named the United States while discussing increasing financial support for Ukraine (including turning over frozen Russian oligarchical assets to Ukraine) as well as military support, including a new satellite internet system that can replace the Musk-owned Starlink, which was reportedly being used as a cudgel against Ukraine to take that mineral deal that started all this.

-OH YEAH ... the minerals in Ukraine ... gee, now that there isn't a deal with the Americans and billions upon billions of dollars worth of such minerals in Ukraine, I wonder if they could cut a deal with a few other countries that may want them ... ???

-Starmer and French President Macron are also promising to get Ukraine to the table for any cease-fire deal - something decidedly missing from previous discussions between Trump and Putin. That could signal the beginning of the now-likely-inevitable United States pull-back from NATO, which Putin reportedly believes would be the final straw that can bring him Ukraine - but, given what we have seen of Russian military strategy (uh ... what?), military training (uh ... what?), military material (uh ... HAHAHAHA!), and political strategy (oh, you have Trump on your side? No wonder you drink so much vodka!), it remains to be seen how well that's gonna work out for Putin - even as Trump's sharting on live TV drags America's role further and further into the toilet.

-And yes, Americans are noticing and are piling on their anger over Ukraine. Early polling suggests the dust-up has made The Unambiguously Dipshit Duo even less popular than they were before. That was demonstrated beautifully yesterday in Vermont, where the Vances attempted to retreat for some R&R, only to be confronted by a marquee from the resort they were going to stay in that the resort was now too full for them, as well as hundreds of furious residents with signs telling Vance where to go and what they think of him (my personal favorite: YOU SKI LIKE A FASCIST), leading them to a different resort with a slope somewhat on-the-nose named Heaven's Gate.

-Trump, for his part, mostly ignored the fallout, as he had to spend his time the same way he has already spent more than a quarter of his Presidency doing: golfing. He did, however, take extra time to say that he was taking care of one of America's most pressing needs - pardoning disgraced baseball player Pete Rose for ... (checks notes) ... a six-month sentence for a tax filing violation of some sort? Apparently Trump believes a pardon will get Rose into the Baseball Hall of Fame ... finger on the pulse, that dope.

-And, in case you were wondering where the actual President was through all of this - did you really have to ask? Elon Musk went to one of his few public binkies, the Joe Rogan podcast, where when tripped up on God knows what (Rogan has been open that guests on his show should, at a minimum, smoke a ton of weed before and sometimes during the interview - something Musk has done numerous times before) dusted off one of the oldest Republican smears in the book, calling Social Security "a Ponzi scheme!" with all the confidence of a college freshman discovering something everyone else has known for years and thinking he found something profound.

-Oh, and tothis morning day Acting President Elmo was VERY ANNN-GRRY! at SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, where the cold open featured a mock-up of the Zelenskyy Oval Office scene, adding Musk into the mix thanks to a very-well-played cameo from Mike Myers as Musk - and, throwing some salt and syrup into that wound, appearing at the end of the show with a CANADA IS NOT FOR SALE T-shirt. Musk thought it was all "crass" and "tasteless" - and if you think that's a bit sensitive, there are reports that a Dave Chappelle show that featured jokes about Musk were so upsetting to our ErsatzPrez that he literally hid in a room for two days because of it.

-Apartheid Boy can't hold a candle to what Zelenskyy went through with class, diplomacy, and as it is starting to appear, a stronger place than he was at the start of the weekend.

-Sadly, Trump has a quasi-State of the Union address this week we are going to have to endure, so let's take a rest, gather for the Oscars tonight (in what is one of the most wide open seasons for virtually every major award in years), revel in the Mardi Gras, and reconstitute on Fat Tuesday ... after the rest of the updates, of course!

-AND - you think I would forget after all of this?! - SLAVA UKRAINI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-NEWS ON THIS DATE: In 1807, the African slave trade was ended by Congress. In 1877, Rutherford B. Hayes became the second President to win the office without winning the popular vote (and it was never a problem again). In 1917, Puerto Rico became an American territory. In 1946, Ho Chih Minh was voted President of North Vietnam. In 1956, Morocco became an independent country. In 1959, construction began on the Sydney Opera House (it would open in 1974). In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in an NBA game (still the record!). In 2002, the United States invaded Afghanistan. In 2021, Dolly Parton gets a dose of the coronavirus vaccine she helped develop with a donation to Vanderbilt University.

-DEBUTS ON THIS DATE: KING KONG (1933), THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965), the compact disc (1983), a Top 40 song used in a commercial while that song was in the Top 40 (Madonna's "Like a Prayer" for Pepsi, 1989), the top quark (1995).

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Kurt Weill, Dr. Seuss, Marc Blitzstein, Mel Ott, Desi Arnaz, Jennifer Jones, Eddie "Lockjaw" Davis, John Cullum, Mikhail Gorbachev, Tom Wolfe, Howard "Hopalong" Cassady, Denny Crum, John Irving, Lou Reed, Peter Straub, Rory Gallagher, Karen Carpenter, Laraine Newman, Dale Bozzio, Jay Osmond, Ken Salazar, Jon Bon Jovi, Ron Gant, Daniel Craig, Rebel Wilson, and Bryce Dallas Howard.

-REST IN PEACE/POWER: D.H. Lawrence, Philip K. Dick, Randolph Scott, Serge Gainsbourg, Sandy Dennis, Dusty Springfield, James Lipton, Bunny Wailer, and Johnny Brown.

-FEED THE WORMS: Sexual predator and QB for the evil Pittsburgh Steelers Ben Roethlisberger entered Earth on this date. Racist baseball owner Marge Schott bought it on this date.

-Sam Houston and Chris Martin were born on this date. You decide if they get Happy Birthdays or if they Feed the Worms.

-ON THIS DATE IN CULTURE: The Number One Movie in America on this date ... in 2025, CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD ... in 2015, FOCUS ... in 2005, DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN ... in 1995, MAN OF THE HOUSE ... in 1985, BEVERLY HILLS COP ... and in 1975, THE TOWERING INFERNO.

-MUSIC FOR THE DAY: Opening on this date in 1984!