NATIONAL NOUGAT DAY UPDATES

... And What's In a "nougat," Anyway?!

-Billed as his first 2024 Presidential rally, Ex-President Trump played the anger-and-grievance hits for over 90 minutes yesterday in Waco, TX, where under-indictment Attorney General Ken Paxton insisted Waco's history with insurgent anti-government violence had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the decision to hold the Trump event there. (And really, when has Team Trump ever mislead us on something like that - or anything, for that matter?)

-Trump of course went after opponents old (Biden, Ukraine, Stormy Daniels) and new (Manhattan Attorney General Alvin Bragg, Ron "Meatball Ron DeSanctimonious" DeSantis, who Trump insisted came to him "in tears" begging for Trump's endorsement), of course tried to pass off his self-appointed political acumen to his most zealous followers (all but asking Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA) to run for the Senate), of course made ludicrous claims about himself (being "the most innocent man in America!" and bragging about "passing" a dementia test he insists nobody else could pass), of course made at least one WTF reference (Trump claimed he "never knew what a subpoena" was and railed against "dirty airports" because ... ????), and of course peppered the rants with violent rhetoric aimed at his bitterest enemies of the moment (calling Bragg an "animal" several times, claiming the "biggest threat" to America is the just-released-from-rehab-after-a-concussion Mitch McConnell).

-To try to freshen up the presentation and material, the show began with UltraMAGA self-defecating pedophile Ted Nugent playing the National Anthem (while making a homophobic slur against Ukrainian President Zelenskyy) (SLAVA UKRAINI!), a recording of the Pledge of Allegiance recited by Trump under a "chorus" of imprisoned January 6 insurrectionists (which UltraMAGA fans actually made the #1 downloaded song on Apple Music) (and more on those prisoners momentarily), placards screaming WITCH HUNT in red behind Trump, and finished with a plea that America needs "more babies" (too disturbing to even attempt snark at).

-The UltraMAGA House fulfilled one of their, um, "promises" on Friday by visiting a Washington, DC jail where January 6 insurrectionists who have not been released to await trial (mainly by refusing to swear off further violence against the government) are being held for trial. The aforementioned Greene and others continually refer to these prisoners as "political" prisoners who are being mistreated by out-of-control deep state traitors - but two freshman Democrats who accompanied the delegation reported information that was quite different.

-Rather than being mistreated, Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-TX) noted that the prisoners had access to a commons room where they could do yoga and access wi-fi on tablets they all seemed to have (and further observed that other DC prisoners who were not as violent or white as those prisoners had far worse conditions that the UltraMAGA delegation did not seem to be as upset about). The other Democrat, Rep. Robert Garcia (D-CA), noted that the prisoners showed "no remorse" about their actions, and that he was "sickened" at the sight of the UltraMAGA delegation "rush(ing) to (the inmates) like they were celebrities ... patting them on the back."

-Meanwhile, UltraMAGA leaders Reps. Jim "Gym" Jordan (OtheR Way, OH) and James Comer (HunteR!, KY) continued to try to bully Alvin Bragg, who wrote a response letter to the pair essentially blowing off their demand to testify about Bragg's ongoing investigation of the Stormy Daniels payoff, with Comer continuing to insist that Trump cannot be investigated while being a declared Presidential candidate (though Comer did not seem to have that same concern regarding Hillary Clinton) and continuing to "threaten" Bragg with a subpoena that would undoubtedly be challenged in court and likely overthrown, as a local DA's work has no federal jurisdiction. Bragg has his own concerns, many of them involving his safety, as the Manhattan DA office reports they have received "hundreds" of threats against Bragg and his colleagues since Trump claimed he was going to be indicted last week. At least one threat included a letter with white powder in the envelope and a subtle note saying "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU," and that appeared to motivate Trump to remove a social media post of him holding a baseball bat behind a second photo of Bragg, clearly implying someone wanted to hit someone else in the head with a baseball bat. The Daniels Grand Jury is scheduled to meet again tomorrow, with indictments potentially being voted on "anytime."

-On this date in 1812, a Boston Gazette cartoon depicted a convolutedly-drawn Congressional district as a hideous monster it named "The Gerry-mander." On this date in 1953, Dr. Jonas Salk announced he had found a vaccine to end polio. On this date in 1979, Menachem Begin and Anwar Sadat signed a peace accord between their two countries (Israel and Egypt) brokered in party by then-President Carter. On this date in 1997 (TRIGGER WARNING), a doomsday cult calling itself Heaven's Gate prompted the mass suicide of 39 followers. And on this date in 2000, Vladimir Putin was elected President in what is recognized as the last legitimate election in that country thus far.

-Happy Birthday to Robert Frost, Duncan Hines, Joseph Campbell, Tennessee Williams, Sterling Hayden, Rufus Thomas, Strother Martin, Bob Elliott, Pierre Boulez, Gregory Corso, Sandra Day O'Connor, Leonard Nimoy, Alan Arkin, Wayne Embry, James Caan, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (GOAT-D, CA), Erica Jong, Bob Woodward, Diana Ross, Steven Tyler, Vicki Lawrence, Martin Short, Teddy Pendergrass, Curtis Sliwa, Leeza Gibbons, Jennifer Grey, Marcus Allen, John Stockton, Michael Imperioli, James Iha, Jose Vizcaino, Kenny Chesney, Martin McDonagh, Leslie Mann, Google co-founder Larry Page, T.R. Knight, Jonathan Groff, Keira Knightley, and Von Miller.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Ludwig van Beethoven, Walt Whitman, Sarah Bernhardt, Georges Vezina, Raymond Chandler, wax paper inventor Marjorie Colton, George Sisler, Noel Coward, Halston, Roy "Wrong Way" Riegels, Easy-E, David Packard, Ed Muskie, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Jan Berry, Paul Hester, Wally Phillips, Geraldine Ferraro, Ranking Roger, and Curly Neal.

-Feed the Worms: Vietnam War leader Gen. William Westmoreland entered Earth on this date.