NATIONAL DEVELOP ALTERNATIVE VICES DAY UPDATES
And Today There Are Other Holidays You Can Pick For That New Vice - Pizza! Chocolate! Bagels and Lox! Toothaches!
-The Cable News Punditry Military Industrial Complex was all set to take yesterday's Supreme Court hearing on Colorado's attempt to keep Ex-President Trump XCI from being on the 2024 Presidential ballot for being an insurrectionist (quick summary: they will keep Trump on the ballot using some convoluted states' rights excuse to dodge the whole insurrectionist thingy - including likely most of the three liberal judges, by the way) ...
-Except that just as they were digging into the SCOTUS hearing, the Department of Justice dropped the final report on the investigation into President Biden taking classified documents home with him.
-The report exonerates Biden from any criminal wrongdoing, pointing out that most of the documents in question were Biden's personal notes in journals and speech drafts about information he got from classified briefings, that unlike Trump (who stole documents, lied about moving them, moved them while lying about not moving them, and has documents that truly ARE super-sensitive, like war plans and data about munitions among other items), Biden cooperated with the investigation (and actually began it - Biden ordered a complete investigation into his own documents after the Trump investigation exploded into the national spotlight after Trump's revelation of Mar-a-Lago being searched for said documents), and that Biden simply did nothing wrong. And that should have been the end of the report ... except ...
-The report, written by a Trump-appointed hack named Richard Hur (rhymes with "DURR ...") decided exonerating Biden wasn't enough. So rather than a 20-page report, Hur dropped a Mueller-esque 388-page or so Comey-bomb into the Cablesphere, and did so with a ripe piece of cheese he knew would trigger a stampede of screaming accusations Biden's way.
-Hur - who by all accounts has zero experience or expertise in the areas of psychology, memory care, eldercare or just doing the job he was supposed to do of fact-finding - used the document to opine that if Biden were even guilty (which Hur admits Biden is not), a conviction would not be likely because "Mr. Biden's memory was significantly limited ... in his interview with our office in 2023" and that his (never-ever-gonna-be-needed) testimony "will likely convince some jurors that he made an innocent mistake" and "Mr. Biden woudl likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory."
-It would have been nice to see news sites focus on Biden's total lack of guilt, or point out that the 2023 interviews Biden did were done on October 8 and 9 - literal hours after the HAMAS terrorist attacks in Israel, which Biden was somewhat preoccupied with. BUUUUT NNNOOOOO - an explosion of OMGBIDENISOLDOLDOLD stories erupted, accompanied by the ever-present Democratic Pha-REEEEK-Out over the negative coverage, accompanied as well by MAGAt hyenas like Laren Boebert and Dr. Ronnie Jackson and Marjorie Taylor Greene immediately demanding an invocation of the 25th Amendment. And that would likely the the sole thing we would be hearing about the hearing ... EXCEPT ...
-... on page 215 of the report, Hur makes a point to mention that Biden seemed to be confused about ... the date Biden's son Beau died. (Hence the proof that Hur is a hack.)
-DARK BRANDON MODE ACTIVATED!
-At that point Biden called a press conference in which he angrily denounced the report's conclusions about a lack of mental acuity on his part, using Fox Nepo reporter Peter "Mini-Douche" Doocy as his tool, spitting that "I'm well meaning, and I'm an elderly man, and I know what the Hell I'm doing! I'm the President and I put this country back on its feet. I don't need his recommendation!" and countering Doocy's question "How bad is your memory?" with "My memory is so bad I let YOU speak!"
-The story will certainly linger. This morning's New York Times had no less than five Biden memory stories on it. The alleged progressive London Guardian noted Biden mixed up the names of two Central American leaders towards the end of the presser to "undermine" Biden's argument (eyeroll). CNN, despite literally laughing at Trump after Trump tried to claim after the SCOTUS hearing that Nancy Pelosi caused the insurrection, nonetheless declared yesterday "Trump's Best Day of 2024." And there will be no question this Fox Sunday and Kristin Welker Todd and other network talkers will make Biden's age the big topic of the week (perhaps accompanied by a dip in the polls soon to come).
-BUT, the report was dropped in early February, not (as happened with Comey) the week before the election. Several Trump trials will likely be on if not completed, and given the utter lack of quality of most Trump attorneys and, y'know, the evidence, Trump will likely be convicted of many of the 91 charges against him. And the media hordes will certainly find another glittering thing to chase - DID TAYLOR SWIFT JUST DROP A KANSAS CITY HAT? DOES THAT MEAN SHE'S BREAKING UP? GO! GO FIND OUT, DOOCY! GO!!!!
-There WAS a bit of other news out there yesterday ...
-Tucker Carlson, the heir to a frozen food fortune who once hosted a national talk show on Fox News, was anointed to facilitate a monologue delivered by Russian strongman (and Carlson hero) Vladimir Putin for two hours in Moscow yesterday. The Carlson oral service and Putin propaganda was presented to the world on Elon Musk's platform, the smoldering heap of hate now known as X.
-The Senate broke away the foreign aid portion of the bill that Trump demanded be killed by Republicans because of the border security provisions in it (so Biden would not get credit for policing the border and Trump and the MAGAts can claim Biden is so old he’s not taking care of the border) (probably after yesterday) (gah!) - and the new, smaller bill, which includes desperately-needed Ukraine aid as well as controversial Israeli aid, passed a procedural vote and actually appears poised to pass by the weekend. The bill will then move on to the MAGA Monkey House of Representatives, where the chaos and dysfunction of Speaker Mike Johnson's caucus makes it anybody's guess as to if, or how, or in what form, said aid may pass.
-Speaking of Ukraine, the long-rumored move by Ukrainian President Zelenskyy to remove General Valerii Zaluzhnyi as head of the Ukrainian military. In the shake-up, the new commander will be Col.-Gen. Oleksander Syrskyi, known as "the Snow Leopard," who oversay the defense of Kyiv in the early days of the Russian invasion and the counteroffensive in Kharkiv last year. Because of the drying up of American aid at the hands of the MAGAts and Putin BFF Trump, fighting on the lines has stalled and even seen some Russian advances, though Ukrainian use of inexpensive drones - a move championed by Zaluzhnyi - have allowed Ukraine to continue to stymie advances, so much so that Putin has banned an anti-war candidate from appearing on Russian ballots in their "election" later this year (it is estimated at least over 300,000 Russian troops are dead as a result of what was supposed to be a casualty-free multi-hour lightning invasion of Ukraine).
-As always, SLAVA UKRAINI!
-Let's close with a random sports note: international soccer is considering adding to the kinds of penalties they can call during a match. The proposal is to add to the yellow cards (as a warning to a player to back off excessive physical play or protest) and red cards (indicating a violent foul or too much "dissent" - and means a permanent exit from said match) with so-called "blue cards." The blue cards would be given for excessive protest or abuse of referees and/or "simulations" (that is, faking an injury to draw a foul) (I know, I know, ALL soccer fouls look like that) and would result in a player needing to leave the pitch for 10 minutes in what is already being referred to as "the sin bin." Blue cards are being used as a trial in games in lower leagues in England and Wales (no word on whether Ryan Reynolds or Rob McElhenney agree with them), so something to look forward to as you take in your other forms of football before Sunday …
-COME ON YOU SPURS! ECHTE LIEBE DORTMUND! BARCA BARCA BAARCA!
-On this date in 1824, members of the House decided not to choose popular vote winner Andrew Jackson as President, instead installing John Quincy Adams as President in the Electoral College - an act Jackson labelled "a corrupt bargain." On this date in 1950, Joseph McCarthy began persecution of people he claimed were once or still members of the Communist Party by claiming to have a list of 200 members of the State Department who were. On this date in 1964, the Beatles made their first appearance on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW. On this date in 1971, Satchel Paige became the first Negro Leagues player to be chosen to enter the Baseball Hall of Fame. And on this date in 1992, Earvin 'Magic' Johnson came out of retirement (after being diagnosed with AIDS) to play in - and be named the MVP - of the NBA All-Star Game.
-Premieres on this date: Volleyball (1895), the Davis Cup (1900), Daylight Savings Time (1942), the Hollywood Walk of Fame (1960 - Joanne Woodward got the first star), U.S. combat troops in South Vietnam (1965).
-Happy Birthday to William Henry Harrison, Carmen Miranda, Dean Rusk, Bill Veeck, Ernest Tubb, Brendan Behan, Vic Wertz, Roger Mudd, Barry Mann, J.M. Coetzee, Carole King, Joe Pesci, Joseph Stiglitz, Alice Walker, Mia Farrow, Joe Ely, Mookie Wilson, Jim J. Bullock, John Kruk, Travis Tritt, Jim Miller, Charlie Day, Vladimir Gurrero Sr., Zhang Ziyi, Tom Hiddleston, Michael B. Jordan, and Rose Leslie.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Sophie Tucker, Gabby Hayes, Max Yasgur, Percy Faith, Bill Haley, Yuri Andropov, Bud Wilkinson, J. William Fulbright, Hank Bauer, Ed Sabol, John Gavin, Chick Corea, and Jeremy Giambi.