NATIONAL CROUTON DAY UPDATES
Seems Like This Holiday Should Be In November, No?
-Michael Cohen is poised as of this drafting to begin what is reportedly the last week of the prosecution presenting their case in Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII's election interference trial centering around the $130,000 catch-and-kill payment made by Cohen to Trump (allegedly) (eyeroll) to suppress the Stormy Daniels story in 2016. Since keeping track of who is with Trump is now a thing, today's Trump cheerleaders in the court include failson Eric "Eric" Trump, incompetent-but-Vanky-looking attorney Alina Habba (just in the audience), charged insurrectionist Boris Epshteyn, Vice President auditionee J.D. Vance (Fake R-iter, OH) and military-hating lunkhead Tommy Tuberville (HurR-DurR, AL).
-Also accompanying Trump is a pile of printout articles that he has come to fan and show off to reporters before and after sessions, all articles full of praise for Trump and sycophants that Trump calls "all the legal experts" insisting there is nothing to the case at all (because apparently Jonathan Turley is the only legal scholar out there). The fawning articles are bad enough, but it gets worse when you know that an aide for Trump is nearby wielding a portable printer that will allow for fresh articles to be printed and fed to Trump, often during proceedings. And if that sounds like they are treating Trump like a toddler trying to keep him from making noise or dozing off, well, even Fox has admitted that is part of the strategy for giving Donny VonShitzInPants all the papers.
-Among the papers that Trump was given this morning are a new set of polls from The New York Times that combines more claims that 'voters' are blaming Biden for all the bad parts of the economy (inflation, gas prices, the tight housing market) without giving him credit for all the good parts of the economy he actually helped create (booming job market, infrastructure programs abounding, the best Western economy on the planet) with the dubious "registered voter" screener (as opposed to "likely voters") and their own self-admitted snit over Biden not giving them an interview to create polling that not only claims Trump is leading Biden in five of the six swing states where the election is likely to be won or lost, but that Trump has leads outside the margin of error in all five states (AZ, GA, NV, MI, PA) - indicators that the polls may be outliers given the overall polling trends over the last few months as well as the caveat that Biden and Democrats have been consistently overperforming their polling and Trump and the Republicans have been consistently - and significanly - underperforming their polling.
-Also, the election is six months away. Breathe ...
-Hey, remember Lindsay Graham? The former BFF of John McCain who famously Tweeted "If we nominate Donald Trump, we will get destroyed ... and we will deserve it" only to literally become Trump's caddy and ball washer? (What?) Graham decided we had to remember he existed, so he went on MEET THE PRESS yesterday and did not comport himself well. While interrupting and raising his voice, Graham insisted that Biden's move to withhold weapons from Israel if they insist on a full-force invasion of the Palestinian city of Rafah was rash and was holding Israel back - instead demanding Biden let Israel do "whatever" it needed to do, and in defining what THAT meant, claiming Israel may need to use nuclear weapons as the United States did against Japan in World War II. Given Israel's location in relation to Palestine, that option seems highly unlikely, but it shows again just how far Graham will go to handle Trump's shafts (What?) on and off a golf course. (WHAT?!?!?!)
-As for the fighting in Israel, reports of military incursions in Rafah are starting to percolate, though it is not a full-on invasion and is a continuation of Benjamin Netanyahu's pushing of Biden's threat. The incursions also come after a new assessment of the war on HAMAS released by Secretary of State Antony Blinken that claims Israel's stated goal of wiping out HAMAS has not been achieved with their war in retaliation for HAMAS' October 7 terrorist attacks, a claim Israel seems to be shrugging off at this time.
-Meanwhile, in Ukraine, Russian forces are reportedly retaking land in the northeastern part of the country amid a dash to retake as much territory as they can before American-made supplies restock Ukrainian front lines and military lines. Leadership appears liquid in both countries - a commander defending the lines in Ukraine has been replaced, and yesterday it was reported Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu was replaced by Vladimir Putin, leading to food tasters and window watchers throughout Russia being put on high alert.
-Too soon? Too bad.
-SLAVA UKRAINI!
-Hey, remember Katie Britt? The baby-voiced, wildly-overly-emotive actual Senator from AL whose State of the Union response was so over-the-top clownish it inspired a perfect Saturday Night Live parody courtesy of Scarlett Johansen, brought herself back to the public purview - in pretty much the way you would expect her. The super-Christian representative, replete with diamond-embedded crucifix necklace, announced over the weekend that she was introducing a bill in the Senate that would create a database that will track abortions nationwide.
-Grotesquely called the More Opportunities for Moms to Succeed (MOMS) Act, the bill purports to be a clearinghouse for "resources" that would include adoption agencies and pregnancy care providers, but NOT OB-GYNs or clinics where abortions are legally and safely performed - and echo similar bills in anti-abortion states that are likely to instead to be used for harassment and tracking of women who get abortions, which Trump has also endorsed. No word on whether this will bring Britt consideration as Vice President for Trump.
-Hey, remember Rudy Giuliani? Trump's former friend, former New York City Mayor, and former attorney in states that have not disbarred him for his role in the 2020 insurrection, can now add "former radio talk show host" to that list. On Friday, citing his continued bunkum about Trump winning the 2020 election (which he did not - Joe Biden won), WABC announced that Giuliani's talk show on that station has been cancelled effective immediately. The move places more financial pressures on Giuliani, already on the hook for millions of damages he owes for slandering GA election workers Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss and numerous failed marriages and continued legal cases himself, was allegedly hired to do a podcast on the network run by human canker sore and soon-to-be-imprisoned fraudster Steve Bannon - but there is little doubt that Rudy is facing financial ruin with fewer and fewer places to turn, particularly his apparently-formal friend, Trump.
-Sad!
-We end with football news, and today's announcements of the Opening Night of the NFL season, on September 5 with champions Kansas City facing Baltimore in a rematch of their AFC title game - followed by Green Bay and Philadelphia playing that Friday in Brazil. The rest of the NFL schedule will be released Wednesday, and the big focus is on Christmas, where the NFL has now gotten used to having at least one game on a day that had been the purview of the NBA, and which is reportedly close to being given to yet another broadcast entity: Netfilx. The streaming service, already experimenting with live shows (the streamer just broadcast a week of live shows featuring John Mulaney, and in January will be the home of live WWE wrestling), is reportedly ready to pay several hundreds of millions for the game (which is on a Tuesday this year), and is yet another step to a world in which the major sports leagues increasingly turn to apps and streaming to broadcast games - and there is no bigger such entity than the NFL. Stay tuned and have your charge cards ready ...
-On this date in 1840, the United States formally declared war on Mexico. On this date in 1920, the Socialist Party nominated "Convict 2253" - Eugene V. Debs - for President. On this date in 1940, Winston Churchill spoke to the House of Commons and told the people of Great Britain that "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat." On this date in 1981, Pope John Paul II survived an assassination attempt. On this date in 1985, Philadelphia police dropped a bomb in a row house containing members of a black separatist group named MOVE - the explosion killed 11 and burned 61 homes to the ground. And on this date in 1989, a hunger strike by students began in Tiananmen Square.
-Debuts and Premieres on this date: the table knife (1637), Formula 1 racing (1950), THE PAJAMA GAME (1954), The Howard Stern Radio Show (1977).
-Happy Birthday to Georges Braque, Daphne du Maurier, Gil Evans, Joe Louis, Bea Arthur, Clive Barnes, Harvey Keitel, Ritchie Valens, Mary Wells, Armistead Maupin, Magic Dick, Franklyn Ajaye, Zoe Wanamaker, Stevie Wonder, Alan Ball, Dennis Rodman, Stephen Colbert, Buckethead, Pusha T, Samantha Morton, Barry Zito, Ana Cabrera, Lena Dunham, Robert Pattinson, Tyrann Mathieu, and Morgan Wallen.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Cyrus McCormick, Gary Cooper, Dan Blocker, Bob Wills, Selma Diamond, Chet Baker, Paul Bartel, Donald "Duck" Dunn, Chuck Muncie, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Margot Kidder, and Doris Day.
-Feed the Worms: Cult leader Jim Jones and bobble-throated slapdick Senator Tom Cotton entered Earth on this date.
-John Kasich and Darius Rucker were born on this date. You decide if they get Happy Birthdays or if they Feed the Worms.