NATIONAL BEANS ‘N FRANKS DAY UPDATES
We’re Talking About the Food, Not What Happens at the Start of THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. Painfully Hysterical As That Was …
-Yes, yes, yes, much arrogant and incompetent and, sadly, calculated damage continues to be done by the Trump White House – more revelations about the inept response to the Texas floods and we-meant-to-do-that non-defense defense, the first death of a farm worker being pursued by ICE (and another court order to try to get them to back off), an impending vote on one of Trump’s criminal attorneys to the Federal bench that in a sane world would never happen (especially because the guy, with the Bond villain name of Emil Bove, is 43 going on 433) – and this Substack will touch on those, and even that ridiculous Rosie O’Donnell attempt to intimidate …
-… but OOOOHHHHMMMMYYYYGOD we MUST start with trying to summarize the COMPLETE and TOTAL and ABSOLUTE 100% MELTDOWN currently going on throughout MAGA and the White House over Jeffrey Epstein, because it is on-its-face funny and we deserve that, and further because it might … might … signal some kind of reckoning and/or cracks appearing in the Trump foundation.
-Get yer faverite beverage and let’s settle in …
-When we last left the story, it appeared to be at a steady and long simmer, which started last Sunday night when Attorney General Pam Bondi announced that there was no “there” there with the “Epstein Files,” and that more specifically there was no list of clients that her office or any investigator had found that may have come from the rich pedophile who, in 2019, was reported to have hung himself while in federal custody. Immediately, the simmer began from MAGA, as they got extremely worked up over the entire idea that there were no files.
-Now, one of the reasons they got worked up was because of Bondi herself, who when she took office in February was tasked with releasing FBI files of some of MAGA’s (and to be fair, America’s) favorite conspiracy theories, including the John F. Kennedy assassination and Martin Luther King Jr. assassination. In fact, in an interview on Fox News (naturally), Bondi assured MAGA and company that “the (Epstein client list) was sitting on my desk” to be reviewed, presumably to remove names of victims of Epstein and his clients, so while the JFK and King files were released, and one set of Epstein files was released to a gaggle of MAGA influencers – all of which was summarizing information already available to the public – pressure to release the list was building.
-Indeed, pressure also ratcheted up as Bondi’s deputies in conspiracy, FBI director Ka$h Patel and associate FBI Director Dan BingoBangoBongo Bongino, bitterly disappointed many in MAGA (and a couple beyond) by insisting that Epstein did, in fact, die by suicide in his cell and not strangled by some nefarious person potentially sent by then-Attorney General Bill Barr, whose father mysteriously hired Epstein to teach math at an exclusive all-girls school after Epstein graduated from college in the 1970s. The pressure built, and reportedly was felt by Bongholio, who was already complaining to friends that the job of half-running a federal bureaucracy was WAY harder than his previous gig of pontificating on a podcast about things like what happened to Jeffrey Epstein.
-And one of the central bits of released “evidence” – a video from prison of the hallway down the hall from Epstein’s cell – was being Zaprudered by MAGA social media within an inch of its life, as a one-minute edit can clearly be seen at a certain point in the video. Bondi’s initial explanation of a physical tape being changed every day at that time – something that is apparently still a thing in Federal prisons as of at least 2019 – made the explanation of “evidence schmevidence” far less credible. (As was further reporting that metadata from the video indicates further editing or processing of the video - oopsie!) Thus, pressure and demands to release the Epstein files in full continued to build.
-Turns out, however, that whatever simmering was going on in MAGAland was being matched or exceeded by the internal pressures of these offices. Trump was asked a question about it and whineasked “Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? That guy’s been talkeda bout for years. Are we still talking about this guy, this creep? This is unbelievable! Do you want to waste the time?” which indicated he was at least somewhat aware of the roiling.
-So too were Bondi and BongBong, who reportedly had a screaming match over the (mis?) handling of the entire episode, followed by Mucho Macho Alpha Male Extraordinaire BongaBongaBongino taking a “mental health day” vacation on Friday amid reports he was ready to quit over the entire thing. That report was followed by Patel also reportedly ready to walk over the files.
-And the MAGA revolt over not reporting the files continued to escalate. Commentators from Glenn Beck to Tuckums Carlson to Megyn Kelly to online commentators zeroed in on – who else? – the girl, demanding Bondi resign over what was now being openly described as a cover-up of the files by Trump, Bondi, and the entire pack. The calls for Bondi’s head built to the point where Super-Special Trump Advisor (ALLEGEDLY) (Eyeroll) (EEWWW) Laura Loomer posted a demand to fire “Pam Blondi” (AHRHARHRAR!) because of the damage her hiding the Epstein files was doing to Dear Leader Trump.
-Now, aside from the aforementioned remark about Epstein in a press gathering on Turesday, Trump was not discussing the controversy directly, although many of the social media posts he was making and the blitzkrieg of STUPIDSTUPID tariff letters that were being fired off in his name were coming at a really fast pace amid the Epstein hoo-hah and the ongoing Texas blitz was, it was thought, a byproduct of his Epstein anxiety.
-That the entire decision to not publish the Epstein files was reportedly done at the behest of Trump and that Bondi’s primary directive is to do Trump’s bidding at every turn – not to mention Bondi being Attorney General in Florida when Epstein was arrested on suspicion of pedophilia and was basically given a key to come and go from his FL prison cell before charges were diverted – certainly made those who have been paying attention not particularly surprised. But with Trump, pressure builds …
-… until yesterday, when Trump of course could never leave enough alone and quasi-impulsively (with a likely assist from SOMEone in his inner circle, generally suspected to always being Effective President Stephen Miller), to compose one of the most stunningly crazed social media posts Trump has made in a long time – and yes I am fully cognizant of what I just typed. But the pressure had to build, and Trump went ker-BLOOEY!
-In the post, Trump first whined about the infighting among the “’boys’ and, in some cases, ‘gals’” he will soon abandon without a thought because it is what he always does, before siding with Bondi (“doing a FANTASTIC JOB!”) along with his favorite new catch phrase written in English, “I don’t like what’s happening.”) Before talking about his “PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD” (which clearly does not mean what he thinks it means), ‘he’ then turned to “a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein.”
-Trump then insists he doesn’t think about Epstein by mentioning Epstein’s name six times throughout the screed, then humiliates and undercuts everything Bondi had been doing by insisting that there was no Epstein list or any more Epstein files by asking “Why are we giving publicity to Files …” – thereby confirming that yes, clearly, there are files of some sort, and somebody is hiding them. But then it gets weird, and so so Trump …
-… because Trump completes the sentence thusly: “Why are we giving publicity to Files written by Obama, Crooked Hillary, Comey, Brennan, and the Losers and Criminals of the Biden Administration” (emphasis mine).
-Once he got that off his pigeon chest, Trump went full bore into his Greatest Grievance Hits, rattling off the well-worn laundry list of bitching including Russian interference in the 2016 election (which Trump lied and called a ‘hoax’), “THE LAPTOP FROM HELL” (the reference to the nobody-has-ever-seen Hunter Biden laptop and data from the alleged laptop which was clearly interfered with by Russian hackers) – and insisting all of the Trump haters created the Epstein Files “like they created the FAKE Hillary Clinton/Christopher Steel Dossier” (which was not a fake, was created on orders from Jeb! Bush, and which is not fake except for the claim of the infamous “pee tape” which … who knows?) and claiming that Democrats would have used the Epstein files but didn’t, therefore there are no Epstein files, so STOP ASKING and GREAT JOB, PAM and STOP FIGHTING!
-Take a breath.
-NOW, let us point out for posterity that Epstein was arrested and imprisoned on Federal charges in 2018 and 2019. And in 2019, nobody in his list of asundries was in charge of anything that could have produced an Epstein file. Nobody, that is, except the President at that time, who unfortunately is now the President again. But lordy, lordy, lordy – for a guy who doesn’t seem to care about a non-existent set of files, he sure as shooting cares enough to throw damn near every conspiracy theory rattling in his rancid rotting brain goo as he can (the only thing missing seems to be sharks with laser beams programmed by Hannibal Lecter and Alphonse Capone).
-What was a roiling simmer in MAGAland has become a pressure cooker that has blown itself through several ceilings and a roof in fury and disbelief. For the first time since Trump oozed his way down his infamous escalator, MAGA simply is not buying what Trump is trying to sell, nor are they accepting this mother of all spins for not seeing any Epstein evidence. MAGA social media continues to stroke out over this post, which went so poorly the White House set up an interview on Saturday night with Lara “I married the dumb one … no not that one … or maybe it was that one? Let me think while I autotune myself” Trump to try to limit the damage, along with desperately trying to find other posters to essentially demand everyone calling for the files to not upset Daddy by calling for SQUIRREL!, though as of this writing they are not succeeding.
-But why is this the thing that seems to be driving genuine wedges throughout MAGA land? One needs to understand that the desire of MAGA to see the Epstein files is real – but not because of anything involving Trump. As many commentators have noted, the roots of MAGA are in the awful cesspools of QAnon and the Proud Boys, where the freakiest and weirdest of conspiracy theories have been running rampant for several decades before Trump mainstreamed them (being one of the biggest promoters and believers of such claptrap).
-Among the deepest conspiracy theories QAnon and company have held, championed by now prominent MAGAt Jack Posobiec, is that Democrats are full of pedophiles and sex traffickers and powerful people who are only Democrats so they can cover up the crimes of their political tribe. Recall the theory that Democrats in general, and Hillary Clinton very particularly, ran a sex dungeon in the basement of a Washington DC pizzeria – a claim that led to a father and son shooting and killing people around the place in 2016, and which led to the entire thing getting the label “Pizzagate.” There is a clear through line from Pizzagate to the Epstein files which is a major part of MAGA anger towards Trump.
-However, understand that MAGA belives that the Epstein files are going to be filled with the names of prominent Democrats. And that’s likely true. It is known Bill Clinton flew on the infamous Jeffrey Epstein plane as well as other Democrats (George Mitchell and, when he was a Democrat, John F. Kennedy Jr.) and celebrities with former links to Democrats (Kevin Spacey and Chris Tucker among others), so in their world, Trump is not just protecting pedophiles but protecting people MAGA has convinced themselves are the most evil people on the planet, Democrats.
-What MAGA is NOT doing is connecting dots that are so obvious you could connect them with the thickest Sharpie you can find … and that the likeliest reason Trump and Bondi are not releasing any files connected to Jeffrey Epstein is that it will further corroborate what most everyone outside of MAGA already knows: the single person most connected most intimately and most directly for the longest time period known with Jeffrey Epstein is DONALD JOHN TRUMP. Indeed, to watch and read MAGA do everything they can to avoid making the Epstein/Trump connection is as obvious a display of cognitive dissonance and denial anyone will ever see.
-And, of course, we also have The King of Projection desperately working to try to divert, dissuade, intimidate, and otherwise work harder than perhaps he has ever worked to not let those files become public – only this time, we have a classic case of damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. Release the files and expose in the widest way they ever have been to the reality, known if not openly stated, of Trump’s degeneracy.
-Hold the files, and what little base Trump has – and remember, despite the power he is trying to wield, from a purely political perspective Trump is already bleeding support from everything else he is doing, with only the hardest-core loyalists clinging to him – is in danger of dissolving, perhaps enough to have the forces likely waiting for his exit (the Vance/Thiel phalanx, the Project2025 crew, and the straggling institutionalists of the former Republican Party praying for a comeback) to start moving to reshuffle the power chairs on the right.
-Or what has been happening will continue. Trump will find keys to jangle (Canada tariffs! No more citizenship for Rosie O’Donnell! Let’s watch a soccer match!) and the anger will subside and the children will hush and Trump will continue with his mental and physical fading while watching ICE agents grab abuelas selling elotes in carts in cities and smiling in between fish delight sandwiches and however Laura Loomer is servicing him (EEEUUU). Who knows?
-What is clear, however, is that this quasi-uprising is a little different. It does not seem to be calming down quite yet. At a time when Trump should be luxuriating in passage of the Big Bill O’Crap and a significant anniversary (see below), instead his White House is wrapped up in a level of infighting that may still result in heads rolling (Loomer claimed FL Governor Ron “Puddin’ Fingaz” DeSantis is already lined up to replace Bondi, for what that’s worth). And instead of RUSHER RUSHER RUSHER, Trump is and should be dealing with EPSTEIN EPSTEIN EPSTEIN, which won’t help and is not the best diversion he can come up with.
-PHEW! Guess that Epstein update was extensive! That’s plenty for this Update – sadly, the revelations about Kristi Noem’s inaction that likely made the Texas flood aftermath worse and various court activities will be continuing. Let’s cover those on Tuesday and just marvel at the madness of MAGA. And cut the alliteration …
-TO THE DAY’S UPDATES!
-NEWS ON THIS DATE: In 1930, Frank Sinatra recorded his first single. In 1966, a drifter named Richard Speck killed eight Filipino nursing students in their group residence in Chicago. In 1977, a lightning strike triggered a blackout in New York City that led to widespread looting and vandalism. In 1985, over 1.5 billion people watched the Live Aid rock concerts in London and Philadelphia, raising millions of dollars for famine relief in Ethiopia. In 2016, Theresa May became the second woman to become Prime Minister of Great Britain. In 2024, Donald Trump survived an assassination attempt while beginning a speech in PA with a superficial wound to the ear (a fireman was killed, as was the alleged assassin).
-DEBUTS ON THIS DATE: The screw propeller (1835), the HOLLYWOOD sign (originally HOLLYWOODLAND, 1923), Elvis Presley’s “Hound Dog” (1956), the World Cup of soccer (1930), the Hare Krishna movement (1966), Black Sabbath live (1968), GHOST (1990), #BlackLivesMatter (2013).
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Julius Caesar, John Jacob Astor IV, Dave Garroway, Charles Scrivner IV, Bob Crane, Wole Soyinka Jack Kemp, Patrick Stewart, Paul Prudhomme, Robert Forster, Roger McGuinn, Harrison Ford, Erno Rubik, Cheech Marin, Tony Kornheiser, Danitra Vance, David Thompson, Louise Mandrell, Michael Spinks, Cameron Crowe, Anthony “Spud” Webb, Gerald Levert, Jose Andres, Ken Jeong, Ashley Scott, Yadier Molina, Leon Bridges, Cody Bellinger, and Jean-Luc Picard.
-REST IN PEACE/POWER: Jean-Paul Marat, Alfred Stieglitz, Arnold Schoenberg, Frida Kahlo, Grantland Rice, Davey Allison, Company Segundo, Red Buttons, George Steinbrenner, Richard Daryl Zanuck, Corey Monteith, Lorin Maazel, Nadine Gordimer, Grant Imahara, James B. Sikking, Richard Simmons, and Shannen Doherty.
-CULTURE ON THIS DATE: The Number One Album in America … in 2025, I’M THE PROBLEM by Morgan Wallen … in 2015, DARK BEFORE DAWN by Breaking Benjamin … in 2005, SOMEWHERE DOWN IN TEXAS by George Strait … in 1995, HISTORY: PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE BOOK I by Michael Jackson … in 1985, SONGS FROM THE BIG CHAIR by Tears for Fears … and in 1975, CAPTAIN FANTASTIC AND THE BROWN DIRT COWBOY by Elton John.
-YOUR MUSICAL INTERLUDE: Happy Birthday to Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants!