MOTHER'S DAY UPDATES
Write Her A Limerick - it's National Limerick Day, Too!
-It’s been a while since there has been one of these, in part because of court cases, in part because of gag orders as a result of those court cases, in part because of a lack of funds to hold them (the venue here demanded an up-front payment before allowing it), and in part because of the clear cognitive decay of the headliner – but last night Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII went out to a MAGA part of New Jersey called Wildwood (apparently claiming “New Jeresy is in play!”) (New Jersey is not in play) (not even close) and, in a crowd Politico tried to claim was 80,000 but witnesses noted was held in a beachfront area that could host no more than 16,000 and still saw space and crowds leaving the longer he went, tried to bring back the glory days of 2015-16 and 2020, with decidedly mixed results.
-Oh, sure, there were the claims of what a second Trump administration would inflict, ranging from “the biggest TAX CUT ever!” (which he also promised to a group of mega-donors in case you were wondering who would get the benefit of those) to a promise to deport anyone who stages protests against Israel (please note that, “Genocide Joe” chanters – not just deporting anyone Trump or Stephen Miller vaguely thinks looks Palestinian, but COLLEGE CAMPUS PROTESTORS as well), not to mention pushing the limits of said gag orders by again resorting to Senile Coot Mastermind Joe Biden manipulating “highly conflicted” Judge Juan Merchan and Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg, wittily nicknamed “Fat Alvin” by Trump (because even seven-year-olds go “Not funny, dude!”).
-And of course there were still more malaprops (at one point mixing up Jimmy Carter with Jimmy Connors) and slurred lines (one while Trump was criticizing the teaching of immigrants (apparently also on Biden’s command)), and the deep thought that “An insane asylum is a mental institution on steroids.” O … K …
-There were also attacks on the United Auto Workers and other unions for “betraying” Trump (believing all union members are sub-high-school trained workers who adore Trump) and, in NEW JERSEY, an attack on beloved son Bruce Springsteen for not being as talented and adoring in Trump’s eyes as the members of his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame – Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and Vanilla Ice …
-And there was even a queasy moment where Trump looked into the crowd and saw, for some reason, former New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor, whom he called out and praised … along with O.J. Simpson. (Only vindictive Substackers would mention that Lawrence Taylor recently pled guilty to soliciting sex from a 16-year-old girl, attempting to use as a defense that the only reason it happened is that Taylor thought the girl was a prostitute … so, call me vindictive.)
-Trump also took a few moments to praise himself for eating a hot dog. Because … why not?
-But perhaps the oddest moment of a series of odd moments that constituted this rally (in which Politico could only eke out a headline that it “flirted” with fascism) (you GO, Politico!) came with this statement, typed verbatim and available throughout social media if you really want to verify it yourself: “Silence of the Lambs. Has anyone seen The Silence of the Lambs? The late, great Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. Remember the last scene? ‘Excuse me. I’m about to have a friend for dinner,’ as this poor doctor walked by. ‘I’m about to have a friend for dinner.’ But Hannibal Lecter. Congratulations. The late, great Hannibal Lecter.”
-Your presumptive Republican Party Presidential nominee, ladies and gentlemen!
-Admittedly, Trump is under stress. The New York election interference trial involving Stormy Daniels is not going well, and the prosecution is entering what appears to be their last week of presenting their case with two more witnesses, including the man who could be the most important of the trial former Trump attorney Michael Cohen. Judge Merchan has already admonished Cohen to avoid going on social media before he testifies, having apparently appeared in some videos wearing the infamous Trump mugshot T-shirt captioned TRUMP FOR PRISON, but it is Cohen’s knowledge of how Trump ‘allegedly’ (eye roll) moved and disguised the $130,000 catch-and-kill payment to Stormy Daniels – and reportedly corroborating communications and physical evidence – that reportedly would conclude the prosecution’s case.
-And given that the Trump defense team’s attacks on Stormy Daniels were designed more for a defense of a sex crime that reportedly was dictated by Trump to his attorneys, it is expected that Cohen’s testimony, likely to take the week, will be the most intense and confrontational of the entire trial. Buckle up!
-Trump may also be under stress from a lack of money to keep paying out defense attorneys. A new investigation released by The New York Times and Pro Publica over the weekend reported that thanks to “double-dipping” on reporting tax losses on the Trump Tower in Chicago could result in a tax and penalty bill totaling more than $100 million dollars. If true and if assessed, that bill would bring Trump’s fines past the $600 million mark – unless he was to be reinstalled in the White House, in which case he would try to force the IRS to pay him $600 million million in a Trump Is Awesome And Should Have All The Money According To Me, Donald Trump Tax.
-Anyway, that Trump Stress is being felt and shown in various areas, ranging from the ones we are used to like the incessant self-praising social media posts about himself, to the rather fascinating stories being leaked, like one yesterday that claimed members of the Trump campaign reached out to former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley to suss out if she was able to let bygones be bygones and become Trump’s Vice Presidential running mate.
-The offer comes in large part due to the continued strength of Haley in the otherwise-ended Republican Primary. Just this past week, without campaigning Haley still got nearly 22% of the vote in Indiana, showing continued problems for Trump weaving together the same united MAGA GOP Party he has to have to eke out a win in 2024. Trump himself seemed to quash the rumor yesterday, but the fact that it was floated could mean worries by the people running Trump’s campaign that aren’t named Trump.
-There’s more going on, of course – incursions and negotiations in Gaza, evacuations and restocking of munitions in Ukraine, Netflix possibly flirting with the NFL for Christmas Day, and whatever the heck happens with Michael Cohen – but if your mom is here, hug her and spoil her; if she’s not, toast her (as I shall with my mom’s favorite, a gin and tonic); and if you and your mom are going through some kind of rough patch, give yourself some grace,.
-On this date in 1846, the Donner expeditionary party left Missouri for California – a trip that did not end well for them. On this date in 1926, Roald Amundsen flew over the North Pole – the first human to do so. On this date in 1932, the body of the child of Charles Lindberg was found after being kidnapped and having a $13,000 ransom paid. On this date in 1949, the Soviet Union ended its blockade of Berlin. On this date in 1965, The Rolling Stones recorded “Satisfaction.” And on this date in 1978, the Department of Commerce (?!) began using men’s names as well as women’s names to identify hurricanes.
-Debuts and Premieres on this date: the sprinter’s crouching start (1888), a President being filmed on a trip (Teddy Roosevelt in San Francisco, 1903), Alcoholics Anonymous (1935), ARE YOU EXPERIENCED? (1967), EXILE ON MAIN STREET (1972), LENA HORNE: THE LADY AND HER MUSIC (1981), PULP FICTION (1994).
-Happy Birthday to Florence Nightingale, Henry Cabot Lodge, Otto Frank, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Katharine Hepburn, Archibald Cox, Howard K. Smith, Mary Kay Ash, Yogi Berra, Burt Bacharach, Felipe Alou, Tom Snyder, George Carlin, Ron Ziegler, Norman Whitfield, Ian Dury, Lindsay Crouse, Steve Winwood, Billy Squier, Bruce Boxleitner, Gabriel Byrne, Homer Simpson, Lou Whitaker, Ving Rhames, Bruce McCulloch, Emilio Estevez, Vanessa Williams, Stephen Baldwin, Tony Hawk, Kim Fields, Jim Furyk, Rhea Seehorn, Jason Biggs, Steve Smith, Rami Malek, Nathan Fiedler, and Emily VanCamp.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Erich von Stroheim, Tor Johnson, Jean Dubuffet, Robert Reed, Erik Erikson, Perry Como, Robert Rauschenberg, Chuck Knox, Gino Cappeletti, and Don Denkinger.
-Feed the Worms: Julius Rosenberg entered Earth on this date.
-British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak was born on this date. You decide if he gets a Happy Birthday or if he Feeds the Worms.
-The Number One Nonfiction Book In America on this date … in 2024, THE DEMON OF UNREST by Erik Larson … in 2014, HEAVEN IS FOR REAL by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent …in 2004, PLAN OF ATTACK by Bob Woodward … in 1994, EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT by Betty J. Eadie with Curtis Taylor … in 1984, MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION by Erma Bombeck … and in 1974, PLAIN SPEAKING by Merle Miller.