INTERNATIONAL THANK-YOU DAY UPDATES

Don't Know if Tomorrow is International "You're Welcome!" Day - But It Sure Should Be!

While this writer was busy yesterday transferring files to a new desktop computer, the Republican/MAGA party did not have much of a party yesterday. It began in the morning at a hearing called by Rep. James Comer (HunteR!, KY) to recommend a contempt charge of The Worstest of the Worstest of the Worstest, Hunter Biden (DUM-dum-dumm!) for refusing to appear before his committee to help them find something - ANYthing - to use against his father, President Joe Biden. But Comer's plan got swerved when Hunter came to the hearing in person and sat in the galley, waiting for Comer and company to testify in person (as Comer once proffered and as the committee was reminded by Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD). Comer did not take Hunter up on the offer, and HOO BOY! did that turn the hearing into a magnificent Carnival of Suck for Comer and company!

The ballyhoo started when alleged MAGA moderate Rep. Nancy Mace (SC) claimed Hunter "had no balls!" for ... not showing up ... while Hunter ... sat in front ... of her. (Mace also referred to that, perversely, as "white privilege."

It continued as Rep. Jared Moskowitz (D-FL) stacked a pile of subpoenas from at least five MAGAts, including committee member Rep. Jim "Gym" Jordan (OtheR Way, OH), that as of the writing of this update remain unanswered and unprosecuted by the committee. And Hunter brought the chaos to its glorious peek when he and his attorneys got up to leave just as the charming and demure Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA) began her five minutes of braying, accompanied by photos of Hunter's penis which she got from Hunter's "laptop" "computer" and, for the second time, transformed the House into a den of revenge porn.

The session ended with what could be an iconic photo of the rest of the Committee bursting into bedlam at a break - with Comer's hand in front of his eyes in the classic "D'OH!" formation.

Or, as Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-TX) said in her speech after calling Rep. Mace's white privilege snark "spit in my face," "Don't you (MAGAts) tell me you care about the Constitution - because you DON'T!"

Later, the man the MAGAts do everything for, Ex-President Trump XCI, was told by Judge Arthur Engoron that Trump would be allowed to deliver a closing statement in the penalty phase of his civil trial in New York City regarding the financial malfeasance of the Trump Organization - but only if Trump spoke about the issues at hand and not about any other issues like the typical Trump blather about how he is being persecuted by every lawyer and judge in the country (except for Judge Aileen Cannon, smooch smooch EEEWWWWW). Since Trump would never agree to such a stipulation, the offer for Trump to speak was rescinded. (That may or may not have some connection to a bomb threat that Judge Engoron received this morning at his home - just another in a series of threats and stunts being perpetrated against prosecutors and judges presiding over all the Trump trials ... except, again, for Judge Aileen Cannon. Huh.).

Republicans then got more inadvertent egg on their faces after former Gov. Chris Christie announced his bowing out of the GOP Presidential race, such as it is. In the event where he begged any sane Republicans out there to not vote for Trump, a hot mic caught Christie saying to someone his belief that Nikki Haley was "gonna get smoked" by Trump, and that Ron DeSantis "called me petrified" about watching his campaign finally die the death it has been dying for months. Both remarks got pounced on by Trump, naturally.

DeSantis and Haley "debated" each other yesterday if anyone cares. Nobody does - ratings for the GOP debates have tanked for somewhat obvious reasons - and this writer didn't bother checking for any quotes because, well, why?

Trump ended the day at a spoon-fed town hall on Fox, and after taking an extra beat to start because of Trump's awkward late entrance, the RNC then watched in discomfort as Trump again took full-throated credit for being the man most responsible for ending legal abortion nationally before answering Democratic charges that he made over $7 million personally while President, including $6 million from "CHY-nuh!" Trump's answer: $7 million was "small" (only if you believe Trump is a billionaire, which anyone not a MAGAt does anymore) and that he was "doing services" for China, adding for good measure "I don't get $8 million for doing nothing!" (Needless to say, all of that is - or should be - HELLA illegal.)

The only note of positivity for Republicans came from a Detroit News poll that claims Trump has a shockingly large 47%-39% lead over Biden (which also fills yesterday's What-Are-Democrats-Pha-REEEK-Ing Out About TODAY?!) - though it should be noted that the Detroit News is partially owned by Alden Group, the vulture capital company which has destroyed a number of major newspapers across the country.

We will discuss other news - including a rather unprecedented rash of legendary football coach retirements in the last 24 hours, the closing arguments in The Trump Organization civil trial, and looking out for any ruling from the DC courts about Trump's attempt to be declared a perfect being that can commit "crime" because he is so perfect everything he does is good and therefore not a "crime" (paraphrased) that may come down - tomorrow as snow may be flying here in Chicago and this writer will have a little time to kill.

On this date in 1878, the first milk delivery made in glass bottles was made. On this date in 1908, the Grand Canyon was declared a national monument. And on this date in 1964, the first public admission from the U.S. Surgeon General that cigarette smoking was linked to lung cancer was released.  

Other notable debuts: the telegraph (1838), the phrase "The customer is always right!" (by H. George Selfridge in 1864), insulin (1922), the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (1927), "Please Please Me" (1963), the designated hitter rule (1973), PACIFIC OVERTURES (1976).

Happy Birthday to Alexander Hamilton, William James, Alan Paton, Albert Hoffman, Lionel Stander, Carroll Shelby, Grant Tinker, David L. Wolper, Rod Taylor, Abdullah the Butcher, Clarence Clemons, Naomi Judd, Tony Kaye, Terry Williams, Ben Crenshaw, Lee Ritenour, Darryl Dawkins, Vicki Peterson, Brett Bodine, Mary J. Blige, Amanda Peet, and Jamie Vardy.

Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Gail Borden, Ambrose Bierce, Thomas Hardy, Nelson Doubleday, Wally Pipp, Jack Soo, Beulah Bondi, Pappy Boyington, Sheldon Leonard, Bob Lemon, Spencer Dryden, Sir Edmund Hillary, Tom O'Horgan, Ariel Sharon, Anita Ekberg, Charles Kimbrough, and Charles White.

Feed the Worms: Reagan/George W. Bush/Trump funder and overall ghoul Sheldon Adelson bought it on this date.

"Star-Spangled Banner" writer Francis Scott Key passed away today. You decide if he Rests in Peace/Power or if he Feeds the Worms.