INTERNATIONAL SUNFLOWER GUERILLA GARDENING DAY UPDATES
Any Holiday That Makes Gardening and Plants Badass Is Fine By Me!
-The Second Hundred Days of the Second Trump Presidency is here, and with it THIS JUST IN that is sure to further ruin this whole week of Trump having to hear about how hard the first hundred days of this second Presidency have blown (and don’t you worry, we’ll get to more of that!): a TRUMP-appointed Federal Judge … in TEXAS, no less … absolutely pounded into the Earth and ground under his gavel the idea of Trump, Stephen Miller, Tom Homan and the rest, to try to expel most anyone of color out of the country under the guise of the Alien Enemies Act of 1798.
-In his ruling, Judge Fernando Rodriguez, Jr. (oh man is THAT gonna chap them!) rules that the use of the Act was (to paraphrase more judicial language) complete and utter garbage, given that (1) there is no war going on anywhere that the Alien Enemies Act can be used anywhere; (2) certainly not in Venezuela (which is where the specific attempt by Team Trump came from); (3) a President can’t declare war just because; and (4) just because a war is declared doesn’t make it a war, therefore the use of this law is insane and moronic and stupid and you should be ashamed to even try. (Again, this was a paraphrase of the Judge’s ruling.)
-There is absolutely no question this ruling will be appealed, allowing one of Trump’s biggest arse-kissers fangirls co-conspirators supporters, Attorney General Pam Bondi, to appeal – but the appeal will likely take at least into July, and (believe it or not) the expulsions have been curtailed, so chalk up yet another L in Team Trump’s legal ledger.
-That ruling is but the latest in what is becoming a larger level of opposition to the Trump wave of dipwad authoritarianism, and those rulings (and subsequent spine showed by the judicial branch) is truly not wearing well on the President. Proof of that was in abundance on Tuesday, first by the scheduling of a live appearance before a crowd in MI to emulate the Trump rallies that were his bread and butter and have often been used by his handlers to keep Trump happy-ish and distracted. However, reporters who were not bound by employers at Legacy Media, Inc., reported the crowd inside the hall was one of the smallest of such rallies in a long time, including the pre-assassination attempt rallies of early 2024 – while protesters who lined up on the road leading into the community college where he appeared was thick with pro-democracy anti-Trump protesters, two deep and loud and proud.
-Another part of trying to appease Trump was by booking an interview – but rather than return to his media binkies of Newsmax or OAN, he instead went to ABC and was interviewed by Terry Moran – and for the most part, Moran actually interviewed Trump, pushing back on assertions like Trump lying about winning the 2020 election (he did not, Biden won – and Trump has really been leaning on the Biden hate lately, as you will read later), insisting that American tourism is actually going up (it is going down precipitously and has been ever since Trump re-entered the Oval Office, but especially in the last month in the wake of the MAGAGOPTrump Tariffs), continued to insist China would not pass the cost of their tariffs on to American consumer (that’s already happening – again, more soon on that), and continued to claim that the war with Ukraine was “Biden’s war” while insisting his best buddy whose last name didn’t rhyme with Effrey Jeffstein, Vladimir Putin, really really REALLY wanted peace (uh … no).
-But where the interview really went off the rails was when Moran brought up the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia and why Trump, despite wanting the world and the country to believe he was an all-powerful and to-be-feared strongman and admitting that he could make a call to have Garcia released, he wasn’t going to because he knows how dangerous Abrego Garcia is. Trump’s “proof” was a photo showing Abrego Garcia’s tattoos on his hands with the letters M-S and the numbers 1- 3 superimposed on each finger above the tattoo – a clear and obvious labeling of the photo by someone, absolutely NOT tattoos on Abrego Garcia at all (and, not coincidentally, completely wrong in that the tattoos are NOT MS-13 tattoos AT ALL).
-When Moran correctly pointed out the labels were Photoshopped and weren’t actually on Abrego Garcia’s hand, and also pointed out that Abrego Garcia still deserved due process, The World’s Most Alpha Alpha went all bleaty pouty stompy on Moran, burble-spitting that it did TOO show Abrego Garcia was dangerous – and proceeded to try to browbeat Moran with a series of old man in a school yard quasi-insults (“I picked you because, frankly, I never heard of you … you’re not being very nice … I don’t trust you … why don’t you just say ‘yes!?’”).
-Just to bring the point home, Moran moved to another topic, only for Trump to again bring up the Photoshopped photo and again insist Trump was right and the photo was real and how dare a journalist actually do the job of a journalist and question Dear Leader about it!
-While some observers still thought Moran could have gone further in confronting Trump, the discomfort Trump was feeling and all the whining he was doing as a result of not being fluffed was quite a thing, and it probably led directly to the televised “cabinet meeting” that was held yesterday to “mark” the first 100 days, in which the Trump Cabinet took Trump-fluffing and parade of Petty Atrocities to stomach-churning and North Korea-esque levels of lick and spittle to try to comfort the colicky 78-year-old eldertoddler.
-To wit, the aforementioned Bondi gushed that thanks to Trump, “258 MILLION” Americans were saved from the scourge of taking too much Fentanyl, apparently implying that somehow Trump himself seized all the fentanyl from the borders using only his stench and leftover fish delight wrappers and saved 75% of the American population while doing so!
-Not wanting to be outdone, Health and Human Services Freakazoid Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., in between trashing virtually all medical research and vaccine development, decided to support another insane Trump conspiracy theory: that somehow HHS was responsible for a program that “forced” 300,000 migrant children into sex trafficking started during – when else? – the Biden Administration. (That, by the way, was also in servitude to Trump, who in the Terry Moran interview mentioned Biden no less than two dozen times, among which was a charge of Biden and his people having “TRUMP Derangement Syndrome”).
-Trump himself seemed like he felt he might be outshadowed through all of this, so amidst the human centipede Cabinet meeting, Trump decided he needed to defend what by all accounts are going to be massive goods shortages as the MAGAGOPTrump Tariffs enter.
-So Trump channelled his innermost Burgermeister Meisterburger and insisted that any goods that threaten the Christmas shopping season (which could be impacted by tariffs by June) by informing his minions (and everyone else) that “Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls, you know? And maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.” If Democrats can’t turn that into Trump-is-stealing-your-Christmas-ads …
-But if you’re reading all of this and thinking “Yeah, all this is embarrassing and infuriating, but it still seems they avoided looking that cringe,” WELL, let me introduce you to King Cringemeister himself, Elon Musk! Still around despite being battered by so much hideous press that the Wall Street Journal is reporting Tesla is actively headhunting for a new CEO, Apartheid Boy decided to show his face by not only wearing his black-on-black MAGA hat, but to take one of the Trump-supplied MAGA fonted GULF OF AMERICA red hats he brought to the meeting … and put one of those hats on top of the other hat he was wearing.
-Waiting for the inevitable make-the-boss-think-this-is-funny forced laughter after Trump noticed Apartheid Boy had two hats on (especially given how most Cabinet members, and Trump himself, reportedly loathe Musk), Musk decided to turn the cringe up to 11 by quipping “I told you I wear a lot of hats. Even my hat has a hat.” GET IT? GET IT!?!?!?!
-(By the way, the painfully unfunny Musk likely had no idea that in standup comedy circles, “putting a hat on a hat” means adding an unnecessary flourish or joke to another joke, thereby killing both and leaving you looking like a weirdly unsocial multibillionaire who never learned what an actual joke sounds like or what actual laughter sounds like.)
-Ah, but little did a couple of people at that meeting realize that this was potentially their last meeting as a member of the Trump cabinet! Also at that meeting was Mike Waltz, Trump’s National Security Advisor whose inadvertent inclusion of an Atlantic magazine editor to a Signal chat room discussing (with no security) plans to launch bombing raids in Yemen led to the revelation that the unsecured Signal app was super-popular with Trump defense officials, many of whom were affiliated with Waltz. This morning, it was announced that Waltz and at least one other advisor was going to be fired, which technically means Waltz becomes the first Trump inner circle/cabinet member to be fired …
-… EXCEPT … later in the afternoon, it was announced that Waltz would resign as Security Advisor, BUT be nominated to be United Nations Ambassador! So whether being the Trump representative to the U.N. constitutes a real demotion or a lateral move will remain to be seen, but Waltz is out and current Secretary of State Marco Rubio will be double-dipping and become National Security Advisor as well. Womp womp indeed.
- Trump and his team continues to try to reverse the bad press by turning on a charm offensive to the general public. And really, who should be positioned within Team Trump to be the lead charmer to bring trust and warmth to an administration that desperately needs it than Trump’s self-appointed Right Cloven Claw, Stephen Miller?
-Yes, the man desperate to become America’s Himmler appeared in the morning press briefing and made kids want to be just like him by cooing “Children will be taught to LOVE AMERICA! Children will be taught to be PATRIOTS! Children will be taught civic values for schools that want taxpayer funding!” adding “These are a few of the areas in which President Trump has fought the cancerous, communist, woke culture which is DESTROYING THIS COUNTRY!” No word on whether Miller then got the puppy he requested in order to disembowel it with his teeth while singing “Bawitdabaw” to please Trump.
-Just like children everywhere love!
-We are heading to a busy weekend, with Cinco de Mayo on Sunday and the Kentucky Derby on Saturday! On the day America all try to remember that song from GUYS AND DOLLS (it’s called “Fugue for Tinhorns”), I may have the horse right here that could be the inside favorite for both the Derby and the Triple Crown: a horse with the oddly appropriate name of Journalism, winner of four straight races including the Santa Anita Derby, now at 3-1 odds over two other lone-word named horses, Sovereignty (5-1) and Sandman (6-1). Sandman and Sovereignty drew outside lines while Sovereignty will go from gate 8, and rain and a wet track are not out of the question.
-So get your mint juleps and Hot Browns ready Saturday, followed by the margaritas and tacos for Sunday – and let’s prep with the day’s history!
-NEWS ON THIS DATE: In 1960, an American U-2 spy plane piloted by Francis Gary Powers was shot down over the Soviet Union, who captured Powers and triggered a diplomatic confrontation between the world’s two superpowers. In 1967, Elvis Presley married Priscilla Beaulieu. In 1991, Rickey Henderson broke Major League Baseball’s steals record. In 2004, 10 former Soviet states became members of the European Union.
-DEBUTS ON THIS DATE: THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO (1786), postage stamps (1840), May Day (1889), iodized salt (1924), the 40-hour work week (1926), the Empire State Building (1931), Batman (1939), CITIZEN KANE (1941), Larry King on the radio (1957), Law Day (1958), airline hijacking (1961), Amtrak (1971), “Brown Sugar” (1971).
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Joseph Addison, King Kamehameha I, Calamity Jane, Kate Sith, Louis Nye, Glenn Ford, Jack Paar, Dan O’Herlihy, Joseph Heller, Art Fleming, Terry Southern, Chuck Bednarik, Scott Carpenter, Richard Riordan, Judy Collins, Max Robinson, Rita Coolidge, Joanna Lumley, John Woo, Paul Teutul Sr., Dann Florek, Ray Parker Jr., Steve Cauthen, Tim McGraw, D’arcy Wretzky, Wes Anderson, Curtis Martin, Wes Welker, Jamie Dornan, Nicolas Braun, Marcus Stroman, and Charli D’Amelio.
-REST IN PEACE/POWER: John Dryden, David Livingstone, Anton Dvorak, Ayrton Senna, Flipper, Steve Reeves, Miss Elizabeth, Buzzie Bavasi, Danny Aiello, Matt Keough, Olympia Dukakis, Gordon Lightfoot, and this evening, Jill Sobule.
-FEED THE WORMS: Joseph Goebbels bought it on this date.
-TODAY’S MUSIC INTERLUDE: Rest in Peace to the greatest music parodist in history, Spike Jones.