DUMP YOUR SIGNIFICANT JERK DAY UPDATES

We Believe This Is In Reference To Bad Relationships, Not Inadequate Jamaican Barbecue

-As the 2024 campaign season is well underway, the discrepancies between polling and results continues to make at least some political junkies scratch their heads. In the first two Republican contests (IA/NH), Trump was projected in polling to swamp his opposition with 60-70% of the vote - only to have his winning margins come down to 10-12%. Similarly, President Biden had polling 'warning' him that yesterday's South Carolina Primary would only see him win with 60-65% of the vote - warnings that seem a little inadequate given that he won with upwards of 95% of the vote yesterday, winning every county with that margin (and hysterically, seeing the only person working to beat him, Dean Phillips, finish third behind Marianne Williamson). Whether that indicates major issues with polling, misreading of which leading Presidential candidate really has an united party behind it, or whether the media will adjust their analytics --

-Well, that was answered today, as NBC News and the somehow-worse-than-Chuck-Todd MEET THE PRESS host, Kristin Welker, trumpeted a new NBC poll that not only has Trump up nationally on Biden with Biden losing 3% since their last poll in November, but also claims that respondents trust Trump more on the economy than Biden by a whopping 20% margin (despite Trump being the only President after Herbert Hoover to lose jobs and Biden now presiding over one of the most historically robust economies in American history).

-SOMEbody's wrong here ...

-In any event, on the Republican side Nikki Haley took some time from her South Carolina campaigning to make a cameo appearance on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, thereby continuing late-SNL's tradition of legitimizing politicians that perhaps should not be legitimized. Meanwhile, Trump spent the day yesterday promoting a social media post with a portrait of him spliced side-by-side with a portrait of Elvis Presley - and commenting how "some" see a resemblance between the two, ending by asking "What do you think?"

-Since he asked ... I think the comparisons between a bloated, overweight, sweaty and barely understandable when performing has-been with things in their bathrooms nobody wants to discover and Elvis Presley does actually make a bit of sense ...

-The full Congress reconvenes tomorrow, and focus will be on the stalled Senate bill that funds border security and foreign aid to Israel and Ukraine. That bill may finally be released tomorrow despite some Republicans openly admitting they now do not want to pass a border security bill on the orders of Dear Leader Ex-President Trump XCI, who instead wants to talk about the border to pillory Biden on the campaign trail. Trump's efforts may have gotten a boost from his House puppet, Speaker Mike Johnson (R-Jay-EE-Zuz!, LA), who last night announced he would introduce a bill that would only provide funding for Israel - a move that both appeases Trump and continues to do the bidding of the MAGAt's favorite foreign leader, Vladimir Putin. With other funding for other bills under pressure, increased criticism of Republicans for doing a 180 after insisting for months that the "open Mexican border" was the worst problem in America not named Hunter Biden (Dum-dum-dum) and Johnson's continued razor-thin majority, things could get testy on Capitol Hill this week.

-SLAVA UKRAINI!

-Meanwhile, over the weekend American forces, joined by Great Britain, bombed at least 85 Iran-controlled positions in retaliation for drone strikes on American forces that killed three troops last week - actions American officials characterize as "the beginning of our response." Those attacks came as a new round of attacks on Yemeni-controlled Houthi strongholds in retaliation for Houthi attacks on commercial shipping in the area. Iran has threatened to escalate attacks if the U.S. made the attacks, and they come amid a new wave of diplomatic efforts by the White House to broker some kind of cease-fire in Palestine, including some reports of advocating for a Palestinian state as part of this or any other ending of fighting there. Tensions are obviously high as the weekend ends ...

-Good luck to friends in California today, where violent weather including storms and flooding rains are forecast. The weather warnings were so dire that a NASCAR pre-season race originally scheduled to be run today was moved to yesterday out of concern the storm - which forecasts say may go on for several days - would wash the event out if not run ASAP.

-Also good luck to LA tonight as the Grammy Awards are going to take place through the deluge. Trevor Noah returns as host, and performance highlights include the first-ever Grammy performance by Joni Mitchell, a duet featuring Luke Combs and Tracy Chapman (of Chapman's "Fast Car," covered last year by Combs), and U2 doing a number live from the Las Vegas Sphere. Oh, and some willowy up-and-comer named Taylor Swift will be there, too. Enjoy!

-On this date in 1789, George Washington won the first Electoral College vote unanimously to become America's first President. On this date in 1945, the Yalta Conference brought Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin together to begin plotting the post-World War II world (spoiler alert: there were problems). And on this date in 1974, newspaper heiress Patty Hearst was kidnapped by self-styled terrorists calling themselves the Symbionese Liberation Army.

-Notable premieres: THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS (1826), OUR TOWN (1938), SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1938), THE MISFITS (1961), the Palestine Liberation Organization (1969), PATTON (1970), RUMOURS (1977), Facebook (2004).

-Happy Birthday to Eddie Foy, Jr., Byron Nelson, Rosa Parks, Ida Lupino, Betty Friedan, George Romero, John Schuck, Alice Cooper, Kitaro, Lawrence Taylor, Jonathan Larson, Denis Savard, Clint Black, Dan Plesac, Rob Corddry, Oscar De La Hoya, and Natalie Imbruglia.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Adolphe Sax, Louis Jordan, Alex Harvey, Karen Carpenter, Liberace, John Dehner, Patricia Highsmith, Carl Albert, Ossie Davis, Betty Friedan, Lux Interior, Woodie Fryman, Maurice White, and John Mahoney.

-Pioneering aviator turned celebrity headliner turned Nazi sympathizer Charles Lindberg was born on this date. You decide if he gets a Happy Birthday or if he Feeds the Worms.

-The Number One Nonfiction Book in the United States on this date ... in 2024, THE WAGER by David Grann ... in 2014, DUTY by Robert M. Gates ... in 2004, THE PRICE OF LOYALTY by Ron Suskind ... in 1994, EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT by Betty J. Eadie with Curtis Taylor ... in 1984, IN SEARCH OF EXCELLENCE by Thomas J. Peters and Robert H. Waterman Jr. ... and in 1974, ALISTAIR COOKE'S AMERICA by Alistair Cooke.