DO A GROUCH A FAVOR DAY UPDATES

Don't Bang His Garbage Can Today, M'kay?

-Parts of the report of a Fulton County grand jury’s findings investigating Ex-President Trump’s attempts to subvert the 2020 GA Presidential election (won cleanly by President Biden, and re-confirmed by this same grand jury report) did not reveal details or names (per the request of Fulton County D.A. Fani Wills) – but it did reveal that the grand jury believes “one or more” of the witnesses that testified before them committed perjury and should be prosecuted for that. Among those who testified before that Grand Jury was former Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows (more on him in a moment), SC Sen. Lindsay Graham, GA Gov. Brian Kemp, and GA Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger (among about 75 others). A second Grand Jury has been empaneled, and Wills has stated that indictments are “imminent” in connection with these proceedings.

-Legal experts also believe indictments may be close after CNN reported Mark Meadows was subpoenaed by Special Counsel Jack Smith to testify before a Grand Jury investigating the events surrounding the January 6 insurrection. The report stated that the subpoena was delivered in January and that any attempt by Meadows not to testify would likely fail, though it could delay his appearance (as delay is the primary strategy of Trump and his minions). Those experts hoped the delay would be weeks and that, given Meadows’ position, it could represent one of the final witnesses to testify before a decision is made to pursue indictments on Trump and many, many, many others (ditto all this in regards to the subpoena delivered to former Vice President Pence).

-Alas, reports yesterday confirmed stories first reported in October of one person who will not be indicted for some of his alleged crimes: Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Hey GiRl, FL, man). Federal prosecutors confirmed he will not be indicted for underaged sex trafficking, and while Gaetz naturally attempted to claim full absolution for the charges, further reports indicate the real reason for the declination was the fear that the two corroborating witnesses – the then-17 year old girl at the center of the accusations, and Gaetz wingman Joel Greenberg (who in his testimony admitted to manufacturing a phony charge of sexual trafficking against a political foe of his that was not Gaetz) – were not going to be strong enough at trial to get a conviction. The FBI noted that while this charge was not being pursued, other charges – including campaign finance violations, fraud, and his role in the January 6 insurrection – were still being investigated against Gaetz, and it is helpful to be reminded that when Gaetz asked Trump for a pardon before Trump left office, it was a blanket pardon and not strictly for the sexual crimes. So, more patience?

-Nikki Haley announced her likely-already-doomed bid for the 2024 Presidential nomination yesterday by refusing to directly attack or even mention Ex-President Trump by name – a move that Republicans continue to make and one that has proven doomed to fail. Not that Haley didn’t try, as she went ageist and proposed a competency test for the Presidency for anyone over the age of 75 – an obvious shot at Biden, who is 80, but also against Trump, who just happens to be 76. Haley also tried to cover her ultraMAGA bonafides by allowing the benediction for her announcement to be made by John Hagee, a ‘pastor’ who has openly embraced anti-Semitism, homophobia, and authoritarian symapthies. It is unclear which of these Haley was referring to when she thanked Hagee and mentioned she “wants to be you when I grow up.”

-And let it not be said that the GOP cannot unify around legislation, witness a bill introduced in the House yesterday co-sponsored by House Leader Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA) and “Rep.” “George Santos” (“R,” “NY”) that proposed to ban all books written by and/or mentioning LGBTQI authors and themes. The bill clearly has no hope of seeing the light of day in a Democratic-controlled Senate if it somehow even got to the floor, but it is yet another sign that calls for “Santos” to resign are being rejected – and, in fact, being spun as “Santos” is now saying he will run for re-election in a district won by Biden in the first place.

-To end on a positive note, as Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) continues chemotherapy in his cancer treatment (F*ck Cancer), you will notice some new couture to cover the hair loss the chemo is creating. Rather than a simple kerchief, Raskin was gifted a cool turban/head scarf to wear at hearings courtesy of one of Raskin’s biggest fans –guitarist/singer/bandleader/actor/activist/DJ/radio programmer/educator/all around awesome dude Little Steven Van Zandt (currently touring with his side gig as a member of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band). Rock on, Rep. Raskin and Little Steven!

-On this date in 1923, King Tut’s tomb was opened. On this date in 1938, BRINGING UP BABY was first released. On this date in 1959, Fidel Castro assumed power in Cuba, which he held on to for a few years. On this date in 1968, the first 911 emergency call was made. And on this date in 2005, a lockout by owners led to the cancellation of the National Hockey League season for that season.

-Happy Birthday to Johann Strauss, Edgar Bergen, Hugh Beaumont, Vera-Ellen, John Schlesinger, Brian Bedford, Sonny Bono, Carl Icahn, Willam Katt, James Ingram, Margaux Hemingway, LeVar Burton, Ice-T, Lisa Loring, Kelly Tripucka, John McEnroe, Andy Taylor, Mahershala Ali, Lupe Fiasco, Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-GA), Elizabeth Olsen, and The Weeknd.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Howard Da Silva, Keith Haring, Gov. Pat Brown, Roger Bowen, Eleanor “Sis” Daley, Gary Carter, Lesley Gore, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and Ken Nordine.

-Feed the Worms: former North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il and evil Pittsburgh Steeler (because they’re ALL evil) Jerome Bettis entered Earth on this date.