CURMUDGEONS DAY UPDATES

In MY Day We Would Update You By Screaming At You As You Walked Down The Street, Ya Damn Hippies!

-The world is focused on the Middle East and the United States, who vowed to take appropriate actions “at a time of our choosing” after a drone strike on a military base in Jordan killed three U.S. troops. The drones are made in Iran and are also being used by Russia in their ongoing invasion of Ukraine (SLAVA UKRAINI!) and highlight the connections Iran has with numerous hot spots in the area, including Houthi rebels using missiles to attack commercial shipping and HAMAS in their war against Israel in Palestine and Gaza. The imminent American action is also occurring as the White House continues round-the-clock diplomatic negotiations aimed at easing Israel’s brutal incursion in Palestine, and comes amid rumors of a potential months-long cease-fire in the region to be used to exchange prisoners and continue to pressure Benjamin Netanyahu to back off on the war. Stay tuned …

-Moving to a different potential border crisis, Texas Governor Greg Abbott (MonsteR) continues to goad the White House with his attempt to use the Texas National Guard to defy a Supreme Court order to remove razor wire from the border to stop would-be immigrants from coming into America. The move – supported by 25 other Republican Governors – raises the specter of armed forces controlled by the states firing at federal Border Patrol officers (where have we heard that before?) in an effort to force Biden to either ignore Abbott’s actions and thumb his nose at the “Gubmint” or federalizing the state National Guards, which could also look like the sleepy senile Biden of MAGAWorld becomes the devious mastermind Biden of … well, MAGAWorld. They’re weird and inconsistent in MAGAWorld …

-With the numerous court proceedings failing to stem his momentum – and in fact enhance his status in MAGAWorld – to getting the GOPMAGA Presidential nomination, attention inevitably turns to who Ex-President Trump XCI might anoint with his wee tiny thumbs to have his/her name stuck under his on campaign literature as “Vice President.” While MAGAts like Tim Scott and Elise Stefanik debase themselves in an attempt to fight for Dear Leader’s attention to pick them, two other names emerged over the weekend: former Trump HUD Secretary Dr. Ben Carzzzzzzzzzson – sorry, Carson – and, hilariously, ‘roided vaccine denying nepo baby Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

-The Trump campaign denied the RFK Jr. rumor – and did so amid another report that Trump’s ego is so delicate he would never pick a nominee whose last name is longer than Trump’s. If true, that winnows the Veep names to Carson, Scott, AZ Gubernatorial loser Kari Lake (who over the weekend was booed off the stage of an AZ GOPMAGA conference after secret recordings made by Lake led to the ouster of the then-Chair of the AZ GOPMAGA) (boo hoo HAHAHA!).

-In other delusional Presidential news, walking ego Sen. Joe Manchin (Total D-WV) opined that, yeah, in his mind and in his world, he would make a fine Presidential candidate! It is somewhat known that Manchin has flirted with joining the so-called No Labels “Party,” a third party with suspicious funding that is feared could draw votes away from Biden (unlike RFK Jr., whose penchant for conspiracy theories makes him more dangerous for Team Trump). Manchin is likely to lose his seat in ruby-red West Virginia, but his desire to stay in the spotlight will allow him to get interviews with the Axioses and Politicos and Punch Bowl Newses of the world. We’re just gonna have to live with it.

-Amid all the tumult of the Presidential race and anxiety in some circles about the upcoming election, let us take a few moments to laugh and luxuriate about the absolute total and hi-LAR-ioius meltdown occurring on Right-Wing Social Media in the wake of the Kansas City Chiefs making the Super Bowl – meaning two people currently acting as pebbles in the shoes of the MAGAts, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, make those pebbles feel like broken glass to the right. (AHAHAHA!) OBSERVE …

-The obsession over whether Taylor will be able to attend the Super Bowl despite having a performance in Tokyo two days before the Big Game (she can, by the way!) apparently led to Fox News doing something they NEVER do: write a story about how carbon emissions are bad for the environment – specifically carbon emissions emitted by Swift for daring to travel to Chiefs games to be photographed in a comfortable embrace by her boyfriend.

-The overwhelming popularity of Swift – now estimated to be generating nearly $300M in merchandise sales for the Chiefs (and THANK GOD, because the NFL needed help on that score!) and daring to date a fully-vaccinated player (leading some left-leaing social media wags to brag that it was the vaccines that helped Kelce have such a strong game!) – is actually a plant for the Biden Administration, which will lead to an inevitable fixing of the Super Bowl for KC and allow Tay-Tay and Travis to reveal their endorsements for Biden at the end of the game two weeks ago. This is real – at least in the mind of former GOP candidate turned Trump-sucker Vivek Ramaswamy in a post yesterday. Seriously.

-And in what has to be the most jaw-dropping reaction yesterday, some MAGA choad labelling himself “Scott Greer 6’ 2” IQ 187” showed that he clearly inverted those numbers when he posted, apparently with a straight face, that MAGAts don’t need Taylor Swift and have their own who is worlds better! And their Taylor is … no shite … LAUREN BOEBERT!

-Scottie? I gots news for you – a straw poll taken in the district she is attempting to carpet bag in showed her in fifth place with 10% of the vote. Her time is rapidly drawing to a close, so let us laugh at you as you try to give Boebs a hand to stay relevant. (Ick. Ew. Gross.)

-On this date in 1886,the first internal-combustion automobile engine was patented in Germany. On this date in 1919, the Eighteenth Amendment imposing Prohibition was ratified. On this date in 1936, the first members of the Baseball Hall of Fame – including Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb – were inducted. On this date in 2002, George W. Bush labelled Iraq, Iran and North Korea “the Axis of Evil” in the wake of the September 11 terrorist attacks (none of which were primarily responsible for the attacks).

-Premieres on this date: ROMEO AND JULIET (1595), “The Raven” (1845), The Coca-Cola Company (1892), Baseball’s American League (1900), DR. STRANGELOVE, OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1964), SWEET CHARITY (1966).

-Happy Birthday to Thomas Paine, William McKinley, Anton Chekhov, W.C. Fields, Ernst Lubitsch, John Raitt, John Forsythe, Paddy Chayefsky, Leslie Briccuse, Germaine Greer, Katharine Ross, Claudine Longet, Tom Selleck, Tommy Ramone, Ann Jillian, Oprah Winfrey, Greg Lougains, Steve Sax, Nicholas Turturro, Andre Reed, Dominik Hasek, Stacey King, Aenas Williams, Heather Graham, Sara Gilbert, Adam Lambert, and Marc Gasol.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Sara Teasdale, H.L. Mencken, Robert Frost, Alan Ladd, Freddie Prinze, Jimmy Durante, Willie Dixon, Dick “Night Train” Lane, Harold Russell, Barbaro, Margaret Truman, Tom Brookshire, Colleen McCullough, Rod McKuen, Jacques Rivette, James Ingram, John Chaney, Howard Hesseman, and Barrett Strong.

-Feed the Worms: Ayn Rand-loving Ex-Speaker Paul Ryan entered Earth on this date. King George III and racbought it on this date.

-Billionaire philanthropist John D. Rockefeller Jr. was born on this date. You decide whether he gets a Happy Birthday or if he Feeds the Worms.