CANDLE DAY UPDATES

Carry Your Candles in Crates - Because It Is Also National Crate Day

-THIS JUST IN: in a wild series of events, it appears an attempt by the President of South Korea to complete a coup against an opposition political party and his country has failed. The drama began when President Yoon Suk Yeol declared martial law over what he asserted was said political party consorting with North Korea. The declaration was met with immediate physical resistance as Parliament members of both major South Korean parties defied armed military members (and Party Leader Lee Jae-myung recording himself hopping over a fence to get into the National Assembly building!) to form a quorum, followed by a 190-0 vote to impeach Yoon (which you can do in South Korea) and occupy the Parliamentary building and streets leading there. Shortly thereafter, Yoon announced he would rescind the declaration of martial law, showing there is at least one democracy willing to push back against authoritarianism and tyranny for a day.

-As that drama was playing out in Seoul, information about some of the worst of the worst of potential Trump appointees continued to dribble out. The case against Secretary of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth continues to mount as reports were released indicating that Hegseth - whose litany of red flags includes photos of his Christian Nationalist tattoos, multiple incidents of infidelity and out-of-wedlock baby daddy-making, alleged rape, and a note from his own Mother condemning his woman-hating habits - has also been accused of getting drunk during several business meetings to the point of needing to be led out of meetings of nonprofit veterans' organizations he reportedly ran. (And by "ran" we mean "reportedly embezzled funds and nearly bankrupted such organizations.") A charmer, this one.

-More continues to also be discovered about FBI nominee Kash Patel, including the tidbit that Patel was slated to merely be Assistant FBI Director until the perceived front-runner, Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey, reportedly botched his interview with Dear Leader by not "filling the room" of himself enough to please Donald. Patel's promise to turn the FBI into a Trump-infused arm of the Stasi is so detailed that he reportedly holds a list of Democrats that he would, if confirmed, would be among the first people he would sic the Justice Department on - a list that includes whistleblower Cassidy Hutchison, former Melania Trump spokesperson Stephanie Grisham, former Trump attorneys Pat Cipollone and Pat Philbin, and Ukraine impeachment witnesses Peter Strzok and VA Representative-Elect Alexander Vindman. Cool, cool, cool …

-And then there are the in-laws. Trump has decided to reward two of his in-laws with diplomatic positions that would serve their goal of sycophantic cronyism beautifully. Take Massad Boulos, a real billionaire (of course) whose claim to fame is now being the father of Trump's half-daughter "You are ... ????" TIFFANY. Boulos, who is Lebanese, has been rewarded for paying for the wedding by becoming what is being billed as "senior advisor" on Arab and Middle Eastern Affairs.

-That appointment, alas, is Nobel-worthy compared to who will be our new Ambassador to France! That honor goes to one Charles Kushner - yes, he is the father of Ivanka's hubby Jared Kushner, but this goes WAY beyond even THAT. Kushner was convicted of tax evasion spearheaded by a scheme in which he hired a prostitute to try to entrap his brother-in-law that was readying a trial against Kushner to keep Kushner's sister quiet. That failed, Kushner was convicted, but now that he is free thanks to a 2021 Trump pardon, Kushner is now unfettered to do whatever Trump wants - and one thing Trump does not want, reportedly, is an Ambassador of France that can actually speak French, which Kushner cannot).

-Now, if you do not consume news media like you did before the election (I know I don't), you likely did not hear about any of the above, especially yesterday. That is because the entirety of the Mainstream Newz Media has spent the last 36 hours or so obsessing about The Most Imporantest Story In The History of Importantest Stories - the pardon by President Biden of son Hunter Biden (DUM-duM-DAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHM!).

-Biden pardoned his son, and MAGA is losing their collective schpadoinkle (H/T Bob Cesca) over it, absurdly claiming that oh boy, NOW you’re gonna see Trump use Hunter to pardon so MANY OTHERS (never mind Trump has been saying he would do that literally since he left office and most of the NewzMediuh blew it off until they could again obsess over the Bidens), along with many cheese-eating surrendering Democrats (casts stink eye over Demo-simp Rep. Mike Quigley of IL), and that's really all you need to know since there is real and far more important news that needs to be reported.

-Like, for example, the proposals made by Trump social media post (so ya know it's serious!) on his long-threatened TARRIFFS sanctions. Last week he made the announcement that he would start his Tariffpalooza on three countries: China (of course), Mexico (I guess) and CANADA?!?!?! (CANADA?!?!). The tariff threat (which is all it is now pending any passage of legislation) would attempt to impose one or all the tariffs (35% of Chinese goods, 25% tariffs on Mexican goods, and another 25% tariff on ... CANADA!??!!) via Exeutivze Order if not Congress. Pretty much every economist warns such tariffs would trigger massive inflation, endanger the Biden-led economic recovery, and generally be really, really stupid - or so everyone in Trump's inner circle seems to believe except for Spokesghoul Stephen Miller, who reportedly kept Trump interested in tariffs long enough to be the final word in Trump's rotting mashed potato brain.

-Mexico has already pushed back hard on the proposal. New Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum had a telephone with Trump before pushing back hard on the proposal, given that the reasons Trump has given for the tariffs - illegal migration and the expansion of Fentanyl - are both down to multi-year lows (THANKS, PRESIDENT BIDEN!), leading some to believe Trump's tactic is to declare the problem Overwhelmingly Over! before drooling that he solved it with his Alpha Male Powers of Persuasion so powerful countries bow to him before he even officially becomes President.

-But … CANADA?!?!? That one's perplexing.

-There seems to be no indication of any major spike in drug importations or illegal aliens, Canada is an important trade partner for silly piffle like lumber and nails and maple syrup and improvisors, and is also fending off a Trump acolyte gearing up to face Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. To make matters more awkward, Trudeau flew to Trump in Miami (paying coach, no doubt) (and also because Canada doesn't allow felons to travel to their country) (SNAP!) and told Trump that tariffs would likely be horrible for his country, prompting Trump to use his vaunted wit to opine that Canada would make a fine 51st state and that Trudeau would make a good puppet-inspired 'Minister' of said new entity. Always a cut-up, that Trump.

-(In a whisper.) OOOORRRR ….

-…does Trump’s desire to blame Canada have anything to do with the WILD SPECULATION - THAT’S ALL IT IS!! - that Melania Trump has always harbored a certain something-something for one of the few heart throbs that happen to also be world leaders and that some even think Barron Trump looks a whole lot more like Trudeau than Donald? HMMMMMMM…..

-Let’s get a couple other items in today, shall we?

-In car news, a warning has been issued by Nissan Motor Corporation that they are in an "extremely tough situation" after posting net losses earlier last month. The losses will mean a reduction of nearly 10% of their global work force and trim back their Mitsubishi and that unless circumstances change, the third-biggest Japanese car company has "12 or 14 months to survive," according to the Financial Times.

-And in Sports News, Major League Baseball is apparently really thinking very highly of their rather successful rules changes (the pitch clock, larger bases, the 'ghost runner' on second base for regular-season extra innings games) - so much so they are toying with a gimmick from the baseball equivalent of the Harlem Globetrotters to use in regular season games. That rule is called "the Golden Bat," and it is used by the barnstorming Savannah Bananas in their semi-exhibition games that have become a cult favorite among baseball fans.

-The Golden Bat, if MLB actually uses it, would allow a once-per-game exemption to the regular batting order to allow a manager to bring any batter he wishes to the plate in a potential game-changing or game-winning scenario. So, say, with two outs and the bases loaded in a three-run game, the Los Angeles Dodgers could tap Shohei Ohtani to jump the order and come up to bat to try to win the game. The rule is in the talking stages, though some wonder if MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred may have been drinking when making the suggestion ... or was he?! Bookmark this one for future reference.

-And with that, let's get to the fun facts of the day and wrap this update up!

-On this date in 1979, a stampede to find the best seats for a concert by The Who in Cincinnati killed eleven people. Also on this date in 1979, the last American Motor Company Pacer rolled off the assembly line. On this date in 1979, the Ayatollah Khomeini became ruler of Iran. On this date in 1984, a gas leak from a Union Carbide insecticide plant spread through the population of Bhopal, India, leading to an estimated 17,500 deaths and over 500,000 afflicted with chronic medical conditions. And on this date in 1989, the Cold War was declared over by George H.W. Bush and Mikhail Gorbachev.

-Debuts on this date: neon lights (1910), Laurel and Hardy in the movies (1927), A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1947), RUBBER SOUL (1965), a human heart transplant (1967), Elvis Presley's Comeback Special (1968), SMS texting (1992), "The Chanukah Song" (1994).

-Happy Birthday to Joseph Conrad, Nino Rota, Sven Nykvist, Andy Williams, Jean-Luc Godard, Jaye P. Morgan, Mary Alice, Bobby Allison, Ozzy Osbourne, Rick Mears, Franz Klammer, Daryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, Joe Lally, Terri Schiavo, Andrew Stanton, Katarina Witt, Brendan Fraser, Montell Jordan, Tiffany Haddish, Anna Chlumsky, and Amanda Seyfried.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Robert Louis Stevenson, Pierre Auguste Renoir, Charles Ringling, Walter Knott, Elizabeth Glaser, Madeline Kahn, Gwendolyn Brooks, Hoyt Curtin, Ian McLagan, Scot Weiland, John Anderson, and Philip Bosco.

-Feed the Worms: incompetent General George McClelland entered Earth on this date.

(Edited for minor spelling and grammar issues.)