AWKWARD MOMENTS DAY UPDATES

I Hear You - "What? This Is A HOLIDAY?!?"

-We begin with BREAKING NEWS sure to break hearts the world over: the New York Times reports Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII has approached 30 companies that would be willing to ‘underwrite’ (read: front) the $464+ million fine owed by Trump to the State of New York for decades of swindling the state under the guise of “doing business” as the Trump Organization – and, womp womp, Donnie can’t find one to do it! ABC News is reporting one of Team Trump’s attorneys are calling his underwriting problems “insurmountable” and n’a practical impossibility” (AAWWWW). If he fails to pay the fine, NY Attorney General Tish James has all but promised foreclosures will begin on one or more Trump properties in order for him to pay that fine. (A second $83M fine assessed in connection with the E. Jean Carroll case was paid after Chubb Group agreed to underwrite it.) FUN!

-The news of the Trump fines overtakes, at least for a while, the other big Trump story over the weekend, which was his ‘warning’ of a ‘bloodbath’ that would occur if Trump neither won or, more accurately, assume control of the government in the wake of the 2024 Presidential election. The threat, made during a campaign event on Saturday in Dayton, OH, was absurdly spun by Trump campaign people as being a reference to what would happen to the American automobile industry were Trump to regain power, though that was so unsensical even the New York Times and CNN blew it off as absurd.

-The ‘bloodbath’ threat came as part of a typical Trump blart-fest, which started with the ‘alternative national anthem’ sung by convicted January 6 conspirators Trump still refers to as “political hostages” (they are insurrectionists like Trump) and included the now-standard episodes of cognitive decline Trump continues to display (at one point insisting Joe Biden defeated “Barack Hussein Obaba” in a recent American election). This as the last two GOP Vice Presidents, Mike Pence (R-Mommy!) and Dick Cheney (R-Still a Cheney), have now announced they will not support Trump, joining a growing list of non-MAGA ‘Republicans’ that threaten to erode an already bitterly-divided GOPMAGA caucus at a time voting demographics warn Trump’s already-minority (by numbers) base is being reduced further. SAD!

-Speaking of Veeps, reports circulated over the weekend that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. of the Nepo-Baby Vaccine-Denying Whackadoo Party, may be settling in on his running mate for November -and no, alas, it appears New York Jets Quarterback Aaron Rodgers is NOT now the choice. Instead, RFK Jr. appears to be looking at one Nicole Shanahan. Who’s she? She is the woman who was apparently responsible for creating the buzzy Super Bowl ad that used an iconic John F. Kennedy TV ad while superimposing RFK Jr.’s pictures where JFK’s pictures were, for starters. For another, she is described by the New York Times as “a Bay Area lawyer and investor who was once married to Google co-founder Sergey Brin” – and is no longer married to Brin because of an alleged affair Shanahan had with another one of Google’s major investors … a guy by the name of Elon Musk. The announcement, if anyone cares, is scheduled for March 26.

-And if anyone wants to know about how the Kennedy clan feels about this, over the weekend they released a photo of all the Kennedys except RFK Jr. surrounding President Biden in a show of support for Biden and show of not-support for their kin. This as the Biden campaign also announced a record $53M in funds raised last February, with monies being used for early television ads and setting up campaign offices throughout the campaign now – as compared to Trump, who has money woes of his own (see “foreclosure” above) and is reportedly getting ready to re-hire pardoned 2016 Russian election liaison Paul Manafort back to help the 2024 convention in Milwaukee (see “Putin” below).

-Meanwhile, another rift – this one between Congressional Democrats and the center-right party of Israel – continues to grow in the wake of the October 7, 2024 HAMAS terrorist attacks and subsequent invasion by Israel. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has vowed to press ahead with a new offensive at a time when world opinion of BiBi’s policies are bad and getting worse – but Bibi sees this as a series of fortunate events he is using to stay in power. This comes as Majority Leader Chuck Schumer made the big step of calling for new leadership in Israel – and reports are the country would likely dump Netanyahu if an election were called, though rignt now it is not likely that will happen.

-In Russian ‘election’ results, Trump’s BFF and role model Vladimir Putin claimed another electoral ‘win’ – a stunner given that Putin’s highest profile opponent, Alexei Navalny, is dead due to what authorities referred to as “falling” while walking through a Russian prison compound. Literally nobody believes Putin’s win was legitimate, likely because it certainly wasn’t, though the ‘election’ now positions Putin to be Russia’s longest-termed leader of whatever the country is called since Joseph Stalin. Um … yay?

-Putin has used his “victory” to announce he is ready for peace in Ukraine. Of course, by “peace” Putin means “capitulation by Ukraine to allow Russian forces to take over the entire country and recognize me – Putin – as their leader.” So don’t expect anything of the sort from Volodymyr Zelenskyy (though we assume Mike Johnson and Marjorie Taylor Greene are cheering for it.)

-SLAVA UKRAINI!

-In closing … IT’S BRACKET TIME! The NCAA Men’s and Women’s basketball tournaments are now set, with the men’s side as wide open as it has been in decades (credit going to the ability of players to transfer from school to school and still being able to play without waiting between seasons) and the women’s side the swan song for emerging superstar Caitlin Clark, who will be the number one pick of the WNBA and likely star of the upcoming Paris Olympics – and is hoped to become a catalyst for a new wave of popularity of women’s pro basketball). Play-in games start tomorrow, so best get your brackets in NOW for the Final Fours – in Phoenix for the Men’s Tournament and in Cleveland for the Women’s Tournament.

-On this date in 1925, a tornado tore through three states (MO, IL, IN) and killed 695 people – still the worst such disaster in American history. On this date in 1942 the “War Relocation Authority” was created, starting the forced internment of Japanese-Americans into camps for the duration of World War II. On this date in 1965, Aleksei Leonov became the first man to walk in space. On this date in 1990, 13 works including by Rembrandt and Vermeer were stolen by thieves posing as police officers from a museum from Boston – and to this date none of the works have been recovered.

-Debuts on this date: Prisoners banished to Australia (1834), Wells Fargo (1852), first superstar record (by Enrico Caruso, 1902).

-Happy Birthday to John C. Calhoun, Grover Cleveland, Rimsky-Korsakov, Rudolf Diesel, Edward Everett Horton, Robert Donat, Richard Condon, Fred Shuttlesworth, Andy Granatelli, Peter Graves, George Plimpton, John Kander, Big Daddy Kisey, Lillian Vernon, F.W. de Klerk, John Updike, Mark Medoff, Wilson Pickett, Brad Dourif, Ben Cohen, Bill Frisell, Irene Cara, Luc Besson, Grant Hart, Vanessa Williams, Bonnie Blair, Andre Rison, Queen Latifah, Dane Cook, Brian Griese, Sutton Foster, Scott Podsednik, Zdeno Chara, Adam Levine, and Li Lykke.

-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Johnny Appleseed, Erich Fromm, Bernard Malamud, Anthony Mingella, Natasha Richardson, Fess Parker, Warren Christopher, Joe Santos, Chuck Berry, and John Clayton.

-Feed the Worms: appeaser extraordinaire Neville Chamberlain, loopy TV reality host Mike Rowe, and WI democracy-killing GOP drone Reince Preibus entered Earth on this date.

-The Number One Song in America on this date … in 2024, “Carnival” by Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign Featuring Rich the Kid & Playboi Carti … in 2014, “Happy” by Pharrell Williams … in 2004, “Yeah!” by Usher featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris … in 1994, “The Sign” by Ace of Base … in 1984, “Jump” by Van Halen … and in 1974, “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks.