A BLOG OF THE FIRST TWO DAYS OF THE MOST INTERMINABLE ...

…YET HYSTERICAL SPEAKER ELECTION IN AT LEAST A CENTURY IF NOT LONGER

(NOTE: These were posts originally on my Facebook feed, ordered and numbered and lightly edited for something approaching a timeline.)

HOUSE SPEAKER ELECTION UPDATE I: Speaking after what by all accounts was a loud and contentious meeting, Kevin McCarthy points out that he holds a record for the longest speech in the well of the House - and virtually daring Rep. Matt Gaetz to follow through on a vote to make Democrat Hakeem Jeffries Speaker - as voting for the Speaker is scheduled to take place starting in about an hour.

HOUSE SPEAKER ELECTION UPDATE II: MSNBC has enlisted beloved number-cruncher Steve Kornacki to help with commentary

HOUSE SPEAKER UPDATE III: For the first ballot, three are running for the House Speakership: Kevin McCarthy (R), Hakeem Jeffries (D), and Andy Biggs (MAGA).

BREAKING HOUSE SPEAKER UPDATE IV: Kevin McCarthyhas failed to win a majority of votes for Speaker on the first ballot, as he has lost six votes with about 1/3 of the roll called. It will be the first time since 1923 that a Speaker vote will take at least two ballots, though Freedom Caucus members claim they will reveal a “surprise” nominee on the second ballot.

UPDATE V: With a bit more than half the votes cast, 15 Republicans - including three newly-elected members - voted for someone other than Kevin McCarthy or Hakeem Jeffries.

UPDATE VI: With the now first ballot over, there appears to be 19 Republicans who rejected Kevin McCarthy

BREAKING HOUSE SPEAKER UPDATE VI: Kevin McCarthy was nominated for Speaker by Rep. Jim “Gym” Jordan (OtheR Way - OH) - only to have MAGA Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL, Man) nominate Jim “Gym” Jordan for the Speakership. Hakeem Jeffries - who got all 212 Democratic votes - was renominated. The second vote has begun.

BREAKING UPDATE VII: McCarthy will lose the second vote as well. Entering the "G's," Jordan has 8 votes, and McCarthy could only afford to lose five. (It should be noted that after McCarthy gave his speech he left the table where he was sitting next to McCarthy.) (Also, Jordan is not a good speaker.)

BREAKING UPDATE VIII: McCarthy had the same number of votes - but, rather than five different people getting votes from the 19 that did not vote McCarthy, all 19 voted for Jordan.

BREAKING HOUSE UPDATE IX: Steve Scalise - also rumored to be a potential compromise candidate - is now up to speak in favor of McCarthy. MSNBC is reporting there may be some deals in the 19 still refusing to vote for McCarthy, who needs 14 of that 19 to vote for him to "win." Chip Roy is speaking for Team Gym. The Democrats are reportedly loving life on the House floor watching the GOP snipe at each other - and literally passing bags of popcorn to and from each other.

BREAKING UPDATE X: Already seven votes for Jordan, guaranteeing a fourth ballot. The watch is to see whether that 19 gets bigger or smaller, which may hint at how long things go and whether deals are being cut. Meanwhile, Fox News is featuring GOP Representatives attempting to put pressure on the 19 Gymnasts, "warning" that if they carry on they could get a Speaker Hakeem Jeffries (who Matt Gaetz has said would be fine with him as an "enemy") ...

BREAKING UPDATE XI: The first defection has occurred, gaining a 20th vote for Gym Jordan. Matt Gaetz and Paul Gosar were seen with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, reportedly to check to see if the Democrats were planning on leaving at any point (they are not, as any Democratic exits would lower the number needed for McCarthy to win, and further plays into the Gaetz-would-vote-for-Hakeem-Jeffries-over-McCarthy rumors). The convos were noticed by Marjorie Taylor Greene - and Marjorie DOES. NOT. APPROVE. (Hee hee!)

BREAKING UPDATE XII: The House has adjourned until tomorrow after three failed attempts to elect Kevin McCarthy Speaker. There is some pressure on Jim ”Gym” Jordan, having spoken in favor of McCarthy but having gotten votes himself. The GOP is expected to caucus and meet tonight to either get McCarthy votes or to find a compromise candidate.

Democrats are expected to pop more popcorn.

HOUSE SPEAKER VOTE, DAY II, UPDATE XIII - We begin today's saga with CNN and MSNBC both reporting that Team McCarthy is attempting to negotiate a day-long recess since McCarthy still doesn't have the votes - and the Democrats not willing to help him out since, well, if there are deals being cut why cut a deal for nothing? And this is as Politico reports that the White House is "as about as distraught (over the GOP shite show) as a flock of vultures happening upon a freshly-killed gazelle." (That's Politico's description, not the White House's.)

The Pledge was just taken, so the House is in session ...

 ... and a Mike Gallagher, apparently from WI, is speaking and trying to spin the popcorn-munching on the Democrats' part and the caterwauling on the GOP Social Media channels as somehow a GOOD thing for Kevin McCarthy, so Vote Four is underway! As yesterday, Pete Aguilar renominates Hakeem Jeffries for the Democrats trying to both say new things and not burst out in laughter. But MAGAt Chip Roy now nominates a new third candidate: a Brooklyn-born Floridian named Byron Donalds whose only apparent qualification is being a black Republican - with Roy saying with an apparent straight face that they don't see color. Hysterically, when he attempted to get the clerk of the House to gavel to attention, he didn't get it.

We're into the C's, and once AGAIN there are six not-McCarthy votes. so absent a mass exodus by Democrats which is 99-94-100% not going to happen, poor Kev's gonna be 0-for-4 on attempts to win the gavel. (By the way, Donalds was the 20th not-Kevin vote yesterday - the flip. So perhaps he's the "surprise" candidate folks like Gaetz were talking about? HMMM ...)

SPECIAL UPDATE: Victoria Sparks (R-IN), previously a McCarthy YES vote, shifted to "PRESENT" on Round Four - which actually mathematically is more helpful to Jeffries than McCarthy, yet another crack in Team Kev's model.

HOUSE SPEAKER ELECTION UPDATE PART XII: A pause? Pshaw! Here's a different OH GOP dude to start Round Five!

This round begins with a self-professed Freedom Caucuser, Warren Davidson, re-nominating Kevin with an odd speech that started with his Freedom Caucus bonafides and giving a sure-you-don't-trust-him-but-trust-and-verify? argument ... Davidson got to Gym Jordan clearly expecting applause and getting none ... into a Kevin gives and gives and gives and what have you done for HIM? ... and there was much rejoicing amongst the Republicans ...

Back comes Rep. Aguilar to renominate Hakeem Jeffries (and I'm waiting for him to just go "And in the immortal words of his fellow New Yorker Jerry Seinfeld, yadda yadda yadda .." but instead he talks abortion rights, which is probably better) ...

And for Team MAGA, we present Lauren Boebert (EWWWW) ... throwing this Donalds guy into the mix again ... waiting to see if the Boebert/Marjorie Taylor Greene catfight erupts in Boebert's mile-high Palin voice erupts ... and she talks about rules and leaderships and how Donalds will be able to do that (m'kay) ... she says Donalds has a record (first the country has ever heard of the guy) to help close the border (the border is not closed) and end runaway inflation (inflation is abating), and ending by asking the Party Leader Ex-President Trump to call McCarthy and tell Kevin to withdraw (MEEEEE-EEEEEYOW!!!!).

Let the voting begin!

UPDATE XIV: Kev goes 0-for-5. If six members vote PRESENT, Jeffries becomes Speaker. (That's not going to happen but we have to keep you interested.) Now to see if Rep. Spatz goes full over to Team Not Kevin - or anyone else. Meanwhile, reports are emerging about this Donalds guy as an insurrectionist supporter who may or may not have been investigated for bribery in a sealed case record ...

UPDATE XV: As Kevin loses another vote, more speculation on a Democratic-supported candidate is being seen on social media ranging from the serious (former GOP Rep. Fred Upton, already denounced by Ex-President Trump) to the absurd-except-they-might-if-they-could (commentator Cliff Schecter floating the idea of nominating Hunter Biden's laptop) (show me the thing and I'll start to maybe accept the 'evidence') ...

UPDATE XVI: There are also reports that McCarthy not only does not have the votes to win the Speakership, he does not have the votes to adjourn the session. Almost feeling vaguely sorry for the guy ... okay, that feeling's gone ...

UPDATE XVI: The results of the fifth round is EXACTLY the same as the results from the fourth round: Jeffries 212, McCarthy 201, Donalds 20, Present 1. Waiting to see if there is a Round Six today ...

UPDATE XVIII: Roooooound Six! For Team Kev: a Congresswoman from FL whose name flew by and has not been posted yet on the screen … whoever she is, she’s going for quite a while (and still no name posted) … and a disruption of some sort, but it is apparently driven by the MAGAts, so nerves are flaring on the GOP side … on Team Dem, Hakeem Jeffries, who has now won more elections in a shorter amount of time than Rafael Warnock, as Pete Aguilar joyously proclaims … and on Team MAGA, the implicated-in-the-insurrection Scott Perry of PA screaming FETANYL! FUNERALS! BORDER! BROKEN DC! BIDEN EVIL HORRIBLE CORRUPT BROKEN CONGRESS BLAAARGH!!! (And we nominate that Donalds dude, because nothing personal KEVIN and Frederick Douglas was a Republican - OOOOWN DA LIBBBZZZ!!!)

By the way, reports are emerging that Steve Scalise may be getting pushed as a compromise candidate, although some may recall some issues he has from his past involving dalliances with white separatists back in the day when that was considered bad …

Vote, baby!

UPDATE XVIII: Okay, so some back filling: Kat Cammack was the Team Kevin nominator, and the booing came from Democrats after she tried to say they were adding alcohol consumption to their popcorn eating (unconfirmed) … and when Perry was speaking he apparently took some shots at Nancy Pelosi, and when Democrats booed him it was followed by “Order for the traitor!” McCarthy has already lost this round and MSNBC is so strained they have brought Chuck Todd back from exile for some camera time. Sheesh.

UPDATE XIX : Lather, rinse, repeat the same totals as the previous two rounds. (And by the way, the creepy suspicion that the MAGA 20 are already getting exactly what they want by having a paralyzed government that can’t work to prove government is evil and can’t ever work is getting there for some …) Ryan Grim reports the big concession the MAGAts are insisting on is a promise that McCarthy will refuse to raise the debt ceiling in order to pass a budget that would cut Social Security, Medicare, and aid to Ukraine (and implode the world economy by doing so). We shall see if Kevin takes that deal …

HOUSE VOTING UPDATE XIX: I will be heading into a Zoom recording session for our Jimmy Carter DB Comedy episode as the House convenes - but there are conflicting reports about everything from the Freedom Caucus bending or not bending the knee, and McCarthy having the votes but realizing he will never have the votes, and McCarthy moving to not vote tonight or to vote all night - I'm with Jon Stewart: "This is the best season of cspan...ever. If only there was a gif of someone watching with great anticipation whilst enjoying popcorn...."

Will update as I can - the rest of you ENJOY!

UPDATE XX: A delay in my session means I can watch the floor vote on whether to stop today or not. All the Democrats are saying LET'S KEEP VOTING NO ON KEVIN! So far only one Republican agrees, which if all the Republicans actually vote YES to adjourn for the session - which would mean today's McCarthy cucking is over ... as this vote is taken, CNN reveals they have a new Senior Political Commentator, one Adam Kinzinger ... there is also some MSNBC talk about new McCarthy support coming from the influential and RICH Club for Growth that is piquing interest of the Never Kevin 20 (or so) in a way that an adjournment could help ... with about 4:00 to go on the vote (being done electronically, not roll call) only one GOPer has voted with the Dems (presumably Gaetz, who called for the recorded vote) ... Robert Costa reports the latest meeting with the GOP caucus "wasn't a disaster," which sure seems like a ringing endorsement and call for unity ... 19 GOPers haven't voted yet, and there's a minute left to vote (BOM-bom-BOOOOMMMM) ... C-SPAN has taken the vote count down and the Democrats are objecting to the Chair's move, which at last project had the motion be rejected by about three votes ...

UPDATE XXI: KEVIN MCARTHY WON A VOTE! KEVIN MCCARTHY WON A VOTE! KEVIN MCCARTHY WON A VOTE!!!!!! By a vote of 216-214, the House stands adjourned until tomorrow! Team Kevin will attempt to ride the momentum of that staggering victory into tomorrow to try to get 15 more votes to win the gavel! Until then, go live your life, for Christ sake ...