NATIONAL ZIPPER DAY UPDATES
Just Be Careful Nothing Catches On Those Things ... They Can Be Tricky ...
-Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII has a rare day off from one of his myriad court proceedings today, so you would think, based on some of his whining over the last week or so, that he would be hitting the campaign trail for some needed-for-him worship from his followers and slurring about Joe Biden “BOMBing” last weekend either from his appearance at the National Press Club Correspondents’ Dinner or his appearance on former-to-him Trump BFF Howard Stern – but, you would be wrong. While Trump does have a rally in Michigan for this Wednesday pending any rain (since Trump does not go out in the rain), he instead is apparently ensconced in one of his homes posting on social media about the college protests against Israel (doesn’t like them), RFK Jr. (he is apparently realizing Kennedy votes are more likely to hurt him than Biden), and QAnon (reposting a video demanding nations “submit” to Lord God and Dear Savior Leader Trump). Remember that whenever Trump begins to wheeze about Deep State Conspiracies to stop him from campaigning …
-OH, and golfing. Trump has spent most of his non-court days golfing.
-In another fun sidebar, reports are emerging that Trump is getting annoyed with supplicant and losing Arizona Senate candidate Kari Lake (FilteR), who, based on how many times she has been seen there, all but living at Mar-a-Lago instead of campaigning in her home state, where she will run against progressive Democrat Rep. Ruben Gallego for the Senate seat finally being abandoned by Kyrsten Sinema (The “I” in “Independent”). Reports are Trump is very worried that Lake not campaigning is going to make it easier for Biden to win the state again – especially as a vote to overturn an abortion ban in the state and new wave of indictments against officials who tried to steal the 2020 electoral votes from Biden, who won the state and a bankrupt Republican State committee already loom over a state Trump must win in order to retake power. On top of all that, there is gossip that Melania is upset Lake is still sticking around, though why is unclear since … well, you know … or if you don’t you can imagine if you want …
-… sad!
-Congress comes back to work for four whole weeks (zowie!), and focus will be on Speaker-for-the-Moment Rep. Mike Johnson (R-Jay-EE-Zuz!, LA) and whether he will remain Speaker after selling out MAGAts to pass aid to Ukraine and Israel before he left. The point person for any oust-Mikey effort is MAGA Leader Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Z-Q-R, GA), who over the weekend in between social media posts of her eating a ton of sushi (presumably not prepared by immigrants, because that would be hypocritical if you DID that, MARGE!), started backing off a little bit from her threat. Given it is unclear if she would have the votes, that’s probably prudent. Little is expected legislatively to occur in the run-up to Memorial Day …
-… although by all accounts, the other pet project of the GOPMAGA House, the impeachment of Joe Biden because something something hurr durr LOOKIT HUNTER BIDEN’S PHOTOS OF HIS WANG!, dejected House would-be persecutor Rep. James Comer (HunteR … ?, KY) has all but conceded his investigation has found zero zip zilch null nada nothing nope against the President. This has led human canker sore Steve Bannon to has a sad, and in response both Bannon and Fox Bid-ness Anchor Maria Bartiromo to turn their attention to Impeachment ‘Inquiry’ Co-Chair Jim “Gym” Jordan (OtheR Way, OH), attacking him for continuing the charade and making people mock them (MAGATS HATE MOCKERY – which is why I do it here!) and making many MAGAts turn on Jordan in a hysterically fun way because of their disappointment.
-North Dakota Governor Kristi Noem continues to be properly pounded for being a piece of human excrement over her self-promoted revelation in her ‘book’ of her decision to kill a 14-month old dog named Cricket via shotgun, because “I hated that dog” and because she psychopathically thought it would show off an example of being “tough.” Noem had to do the thing a would-be candidate (she really really REALLY wants to be Trump’s Veep) hates to do: explain the decision in a social media post.
-Her pathetic spin: it was 20 years ago and you have to do hard things when you live on a farm (never mind that she was talking about 2004 and not 1904). Even hard-right commentators like Muslim bigot Laura Loomer and weirdo social media poster “Catturd” (yes, that’s the actual username) have attacked Noem, and it looks like even Trump does not seem to be in thrall of her decision, with a story floating around that former Presidential candidate from the other Dakota, Doug Burgum (Who R You?) is now ‘a favorite’ to be Trump’s handmaiden for the fall.
-In the latest example of Trump bringing what is left of the Republican Party to supplicate in utter debasement anyone who dares to cross him on that side of the aisle, over the weekend Trump met with humiliated opponent Gov. Ron DeSantis (FL, man), allegedly to make DeSantis both kiss whatever soiled Trump appendages he demanded DeSantis to smooch, but to also try to find out how many of DeSantis’ funders were now ready to supplicate themselves over Dear Leader. The moves come amid the Biden campaign aggressively staffing up and signaling they think Florida could be in play – particularly since the state will also have an abortion rights plebiscite on the ballot to end a horrific and reviled six-week abortion ban on the state that DeSantis and Republicans continue to gleefully support. I know it’s Florida – but watch that state anyway!
-As campus protests across the United States continue, supporters of Palestine including Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) are beginning to discuss the difference between protesting against Israel (yes) and supporting Palestine (yes) without also supporting HAMAS (NO) and using the anger towards support of President Biden to not vote for him or vote for Trump (WTF?!?).
-The nuances are starting to emerge amid some fear that the protests could continue to grow, in large part because of outsiders who often join the students and attempt to antagonize the protestors – and in turn to try to provoke confrontations with police and other forces that could be the purpose of the outside agitation. All this occurs as Secretary of State Anthony Blinken and other Arab leaders are attempting to broker a cease-fire for (at a minimum) hostage exchanges and the long-desired-by-Benjamin-Netanyahu counter-offensive.
-Ukrainian forces are pulling back from some villages on the Eastern front of their fight to end Russian occupation while new supplies of ammunition and munitions from the United States begin flowing back to the country after a six-month delay prompted by opposition from Trump and Vladimir Putin. Most observers believe it will be a relative matter of weeks before stocks are resupplied and supply lines are re-established, and there is already talk of a counter-offensive later in the summer as long-range artillery is supplied. So, patience … help is coming …
-SLAVA UKRAINI!
-In closing, though, whatever Kari Lake is doing … she is taking pictures of her with her pug to dunk on Kristi Noem. For that, and that only, this Substack approves!
-Fck Kristi Noem.
-On this date in 1429, Joan of Arc led her troops into the city of Orleans. 3On this date in 1770, James Cook landed in Australia. On this date in 1945, the Dachau concentration camp was liberated. On this date In 1990, the Brandenburg Gate began to be demolished. On this date in 1992, the acquittal of four white police officers for savagely beating African-American motorist Rodney King despite the beating having been recorded by a witness sparked four days of rioting that would end with 68 dead and over $1 billion in damage inflicted in Los Angeles, CA. On this date in 2004, General Motors announced the end of the Oldsmobile. On this date in 2018, THE SIMPSONS overtook GUNSMOKE to become the longest prime-time scripted show in American television history (and the record continues to rise).
-Debuts on this date: Lincoln University (the first HBCU) (1854), weightlifting as a sport (1922), the Adolf Hitler/Eva Braun nupitals (1945), “R-E-S-P-E-C-T!” (1967), HAIR on Broadway (1968), the Watergate Tapes (1974), the national World War II monument (2004), the Prince William/Kate Middleton nupitals (2011).
-Happy Birthday to Duke Ellington, Fred Zinneman, Tom Ewell, Celeste Holm, George Allen, Toots Thielmans, Joe Porcaro, Rod McKuen, Willie Nelson, Luis Aparicio, Otis Rush, Zubin Metha, Klaus Voorman, Tammi Terrell, Johnny Miller, Tommy James, Debbie Stabenow, Dale Earnnardt, Nora Dunn, Jerry Seinfeld, Kate Mulgrew, Leslie Jordan, Daniel Day-Lewis, Eve Plumb, Michelle Pfeiffer, Carnie Wilson, Andre Agassi, Uma Thurman, Jay Cutler, and Barbaro.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to William Seward, Jr., Ludwig Wittgenstein, Alfred Hitchcock, Mick Ronson, Mike Royko, John Kenneth Galbraith, Bob Hoskins, Calvin Peete, Robert Mandan, John Singleton, Billie Hayes, David Birney and Tim Bachman.
-Feed the Worms: Warmongering press lord William Randolph Hearst, Japanese Emperor Hirohito, and financial scuzzbag Bernie Madoff entered Earth on this date.