NATIONAL LAUNDRY DAY UPDATES
Does Anyone Use Those Wool Dryer Balls? Are They Better Than Sheets? Seriously Curious - Please Message In Response!
-As this update was being composed, a number of motions were being made prior to the start of jury selection in New York City to begin the first criminal trial against a former President in American history.
-The case can be summarized as such: Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII has 34 felony charges of falsifying business records before in 2016-17, moving and concealing the true use of $430,000 – to “catch and kill” a story of a porn star’s sexual encounter with Trump in 2006 before it was published in the days prior to the 2016 Presidential election. For District Attorney Alvin Bragg to win, he will need to convince a jury not just that the money was moved and concealed, but that it was done so for the specific purpose of covering up a second, more substantial crime. Bragg does not need to clearly specify what that other crime(s) is/are, but it is largely believed Bragg will do so – and that crime is/was, per Judge Juan Merchan’s instructions to the jury, “to unlawfully influence the 2016 Presidential election.”
-Trump’s loud responses, as we all know whether we want to know it or not, is that Trump is The Last Honest and Pure Man In All Of America, that Trump did not so much as touch Stormy Daniels while his third wife was at home after having Trump’s fifth child, that Everybody Pays Off Porn Stars to Keep Crimes Out of the News (because as he loves to claim, “If they can do this to me, THEY CAN DO THIS TO YOU!!!”), that Bragg and his New York Colleague Tish James are the REAL racists, that the entire case is a Witch Hunt Election Interference that prevents Trump from golfing – er, I mean, “campaigning” (fun fact: if you are indicted of a felony in New York, the law says you MUST be in court every day during the trial), and that all of it is of course being orchestrated to the second by that criminal old decrepit senile doesn’t-even-know-where-he-is mastermind “CROOK-ED JOOOOE BYE-DUN!”
-By all accounts, this appears to be Trump’s upcoming defense strategy, and absolutely nobody expects it to work … at least at getting a full not guilty plea. Rather, the hope seems to be that one or two of the 500 prospective jurors are hardcore Trumpers that will simply refuse to convict, thereby getting a hung jury and stretching out a retrial long after November 5 (although, since this is a state and local case, it would not be affected by any kind of blanket self-pardon or cancellation of all cases against Dear Leader should Trump return to power), or a catastrophic presentation of the evidence by New York prosecutors.
-This morning, another attempt by Team Trump to have Judge Merchan remove himself from the case for being biassss has not worked, while prosecutors are (FINALLY!) charging that Trump flagrantly and continuously broke the terms of his gag order up to and including the wee hours of the morning attacking all kinds of people attached to the courts (when he wasn’t being his incessantly self-saddening woe-is-me act self-hatred routine). Also, Judge Merchan did rule that while Trump’s Access Hollywood tape can be discussed by the prosecution, the actual recording of his remarks will not be shown.
-It is expected that Daniels will be testifying, as well as Trump’s former fixer Michael Cohen, who made the actual payments to Daniels through his own accounts (and paid for by taking out a second mortgage on his property as part of the scheme to hide its intent). It is also believed another one of Trump’s mistresses, Karen McDougal, will testify as an example of the catch-and-kill strategy that prosecutors claim occurred here. National Enquirer publisher David Pecker might testify, as Prosecutors claim it was his refusal to pay Daniels after paying McDougal helped spark the scheme that is at the heart of the New York case. And while Trump continues to brag and boast that he will testify, nobody sane thinks that will happen.
-The hope is for the jury to be seated and opening arguments will begin Wednesday or Thursday, and the entire trial is expected to last around six weeks. Your local Substacker will update as it can given, y’know, life – but you can bet I’ll be following!
-There is other news, of course, much of it continuing to center around the Middle East, where Israel so far does not appear to be imminently responding to Iran’s drone attack attempted on the country over the weekend after Israel’s attack in Syria that killed seven Iranian military officials. The attack appears to have been more of a show for domestic Irani politics, but for the moment it appears to have actually helped European and American officials temporarily unify behind Benjamin Netanyahu – as long as Netanyahu does not further retaliate, which continues to be of concern given Netanyahu’s prosecution of his military action in Palestine. Israel officially posted that it is “postponing” a long-anticipated offensive in southern Palestine, and some observers ‘hope’ that the West’s support of Israel against Iran came in exchange for backing off in Palestine.
-At the same time, the attacks continue to roil Congress, with further pressure on Trump/Putin puppet House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-Jay-EE-Zuz!, LA) to bring the long-delayed aid bill for Israel, Taiwan, and Ukraine to the floor – but, of course, Johnson is still not reporting when or if that may happen as well as what or if will be in the bill (much of the MAGA Caucus may want to do an Israel-only relief bill so as not to upset their Dear Leaders). One byproduct of the weekend is the apparent postponement of bringing six MAGA-drafted bills to the floor that aim to “support” appliances from wokeness (see yesterday’s Update for details).
-SLAVA UKRAINI!
-In broadcast media news, fans of Billy Joel are up in arms at CBS after a special celebrating Joel’s 100th Madison Square Garden performance was cut off just as Joel was halfway into what is arguably his signature tune, “Piano Man” last night. The culprit appears to be the Masters Tournament, which ran long by about 30 minutes (along with an update on the Middle East that added 3 more minutes), and local affiliates needing to switch to Sunday news decided to go with the hard break, prompting the anger.
-The incident echoes the seminal event of broadcast television that forever changed how sports is broadcast: the decision by NBC to cut away from a 1968 New York Jets-Oakland Raiders game in order to begin the broadcast of a heavily-promoted production of HEIDI – only to have the Raiders storm back to win the game in the last two minutes, which then prompted NBC to run a bulletin on screen during one of the most emotional points in the HEIDI movie, thereby pissing off virtually everyone from sports fans to four-year-olds, thus prompting the rule that when a sports event runs late on network TV, the sports event runs and the rest of the telecasts will have to wait.
-With all the other news, the fact that today is Tax Day in America has actually kind of gotten lost in the blizzard – at least in the national media. For those of you working on yours, godspeed!
-And in closing, THIS JUST IN: A number of observers in the New York courtroom (there is no live feed in the courtroom, but an old-school artist drawing everyone) are reporting that “Trump appears to be sleeping His head keeps dropping down and his mouth goes slack.” Perhaps that should be expected given what we know about Trump’s physical and mental status - but that news is now dominating the lunch break and - OH, MAN, wait until Trump sees these reports …
-GETCHA POPCORN READY, Y’ALL!!! This is gonna be A Thing!
-On this date in 1947, Jackie Robinson broke Major League Baseball’s color barrier. On this date in 1967, the first national protests against the Vietnam War took place. On this date in 1989, protests demanding greater democracy began at Tiananmen Square in China. On this date in 2013, three were killed and over 260 were injured when two homemade bombs detonated near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. On this date in 2019, a fire consumed the roof of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, destroying much of the structure.
-Debuts on this date: Impressionism (exhibit, 1874), a home telephone (1877), The Rand McNally Road Atlas (1924), Kodachrome film (1935), McDonald’s first franchised restaurant (1955), IN LIVING COLOR (1990), the World Trade Organization (1994).
-Happy Birthday to Leonardo da Vinci, Henry James, James J. Jeffries, A. Philip Randolph, Thomas Hart Benton, Bessie Smith, Hans Conreid, Harold Washington, Elizabeth Montgomery, Roy Clark, Claudia Cardinale, Jeffrey Archer, Walt Hazzard, Dave Edmunds, Linda Bloodworth-Thomas, Emma Thompson, Ed O’Brien, Jeromy Burnitz, Jason Seahorn, Chris Stapleton, Patrick Carney, Seth Rogen, Alice Braga, Emma Watson, and Maisie Williams.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Abraham Lincoln, the HMS Titanic, Edward Smith, John Jacob Astor IV, John Singer Sargent, Wallace Beery, Jean-Paul Sartre, Jean Genet, Greta Garbo, Joey Ramone, Byron “Whizzer” White, Benjamin Hooks, R. Lee Ermey, Brian Dennehy, Damaso Garcia, and Willie Davis.
-Feed the Worms: Nikita Khrushchev, Kim Il-sung and Kenneth Lay entered Earth on this date. Pol Pot took a dirt nap he is still in on this date.
-Dodi Fayed was born on this date. You decide if he gets a Happy Birthday or if he Feeds the Worms.