HAMSTER DAY UPDATES
... And Your Father Smelled of Elderberries! Now Keep Reading Before I Taunt You Again!
-Some time today, apparently after finally passing a renewal of the FISA law that had been thwarted four separate times by his not-at-all unified caucus. House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-Jay-EE-Zuz!, LA) will travel to Mar-a-Lago to bend the knee and his waist to Ex-President Trump (R-apist) LXXXVIII and announce they will "endorse" a "new" "election integrity" law designed to ban immigrants from voting ... which is weird, because ... wait for it ... immigrants are ALREADY banned from voting! So what is REALLY happening is that Johnson and Trump will unify for the MAGA base to continue to sew distrust in the 2024 election, exactly as the two did in the 2020 Presidential election (Johnson was a point person in the "legislative attempt" to steal the 2020 Electoral College votes from the 2020 Presidential winner, Joe Biden.
-It is also likely Trump and Johnson will renew their admiration and love for Vladimir Putin, and Johnson will continue to delay and deny action to bring a desperately-needed Ukraine aid bill to the House floor. The delay comes a day after Russian forces attacked and destroyed the main power plant in Kyiv, and cries from Ukrainian military officers that their forces may be facing a 10-to-1 arms disadvantage with Russia thanks to the block that Putin pet Johnson and Putin bitch Trump continues to exert on the Putin/Trump lickspittles that currently compose the GOP MAGA Party.
-Fuck them all.
-SLAVA UKRAINI!
-And in the other active war zone, concerns continue to build that Iran will attack Israel in retaliation for an attack Israel made in Syria that killed an Iranian military officer along with HAMAS leaders. Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, continuing to see Western support erode because of his savage war in Palestine in retaliation for the HAMAS terrorist attacks he failed to prevent, has promised any attack by Iran in Israel proper would prompt a response that the White House and others fear would escalate fighting throughout the region. That fear is a primary driver for the recent increase in gas prices, and the Biden Administration has reportedly been working feverishly behind the scenes to prevent some kind of attack by Iran.
-The Arizona Supreme Court decision to legitimize an 1864 total abortion ban - complete with prison terms - continues to make Trump and the MAGA/GOP Party try to backtrack their already-pridefully-public support for that ban. Trump, a known liar and deep misogynist who has been determined by at least one court to be a rapist, blarted on a video response that he would NEEEEVER sign a full and total abortion ban if he were to become President again - this despite his full support for The Heritage Foundation's Project 2025, which explicitly begins with a full abortion ban and goes on to call for a ban on all birth control in the United States as well. With national polling starting to move towards Biden, abortion rights on the ballot in two states Trump absolutely needs to win (AZ and FL), abortion likely to be a pivotal issue in the Senate race in OH, and the track record of such votes becoming drivers for Democratic voter turnout, this homina-homina-homina act is not surprising. The question will be whether it works or not ...
-... and whether it works or not depends on the performance of our friends in the American media. Sadly, yesterday did not generate a lot of hope for that yesterday, as said media took the news of the death of double-murderer and domestic violence perpetrator O.J. Simpson and ... did not handle it well as all. Whether it was NPR's weird haigography of their headline describing "Orenthal James Simpson" as a "Football Hero" or the New York Times lamenting that the killing of Nicole Simpson and Dan Goldman "forever disrupted" O.J.’s life or NBC News chirping about how the murder trial "captivated the nation" (only missing the exclamation point), the orgy of taking the carnival that the entire O.J. thing was into (according to CNN) a HIGH POINT of cable and news media makes one gird our loins as we try to fast forward through the Nordberg scenes in THE NAKED GUN trilogy.
-We need some good news after that run, so here's some: even Trump now admits that his first criminal trial is more than likely ON starting this Monday, as a jury will be selected in the New York trial focusing on Trump's attempts to hide the revelation of a sexual affair in the wake of the release of the should-have-been-campaign-killing 2016 ACCESS HOLLYWOOD audio tape. All his attempts to delay the trial have proven to be fruitless and a continued drain on whatever cash he may have somewhere, and this space will watch and report as the trial moves on (oh hell YES this space will!).
-Speaking of where Trump cash may not be, more potential good news to watch for, as the reduced $175M bond that was supposed to be put up by a hinky auto insurance and repossessing company out of California (led by the too-good-to-be-true billionaire with the real name of Tom Hankey) (HI-DE-HO!!) has not been approved by New York courts, both because the company is not recognized in NY and more importantly because NY Attorney General Tish James wants to see if Mr. Hankey actually has the money. If not - and the deadline to prove the money is there is next week. So the potential for James to start seizing planes and golf courses is not off the table yet!
-And we close with reporting that Trump is having one of his patented social media meltdowns as this draft closes, doing everything from again testing the gag order that is allegedly on him for the Monday trial to cries he will sue the aforementioned media for "defaming" his "beautiful" "character." With the trial coming up Monday, this may be going on for a while, so getcha popcorn ready because it's gonna be a thing!
-On this date in 1633, Galileo was put on trial for heresy due to his (proven) theories about Earth orbiting around the sun. On this date in 1861, Fort Sumter came under fire, starting the Civil War. On this date in 1961, Yuri Gargarin became the first man in outer space. On this date in 1963, Martin Luther King was arrested and imprisoned in a Birmingham jail for his civil rights disobedience. On this date in 1980, the United States agreed to boycott the Moscow Olympics. And on this date in 1983, Harold Washington became the first African-American Mayor of the great city of Chicago.
-Debuts on this date: the typewriter (1892), GRAND HOTEL (1932), MAD MAX (1979), the Space Shuttle (1981), MURMUR (1983), LIVE THROUGH THIS (1994).
-Happy Birthday to Henry Clay, Beverly Cleary, Ann Miller, Jane Withers, Tiny Tim, Charles Napier, Alan Ayckbourn, Herbie Hancock, Woodie Fryman, Jacob Zuma, Charles Ludlam, John Kay, Ed O'Neill, Dan Lauria, David Letterman, Tom Clancy, Scott Turow, David Cassidy, Tom Werner, Pat Travers, Andy Garcia, Vince Gill, Ron MacLean, Art Alexakis, Amy Ray, Shannen Doherty, Claire Danes, Ted Ginn Jr., Brendon Urie, Saoirse Ronan, and David Hogg.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Clara Barton, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Josephine Baker, Philip K. Wrigley, Joe Louis, Alan Paton, Abbie Hoffman, Sugar Ray Robinson, Boxcr Willie, Forrest Gregg, Glenn Beckert, Jim Frey, and Gilbert Gottfried.
-Feed the Worms: Religious fraud "Rev." John Hagee entered Earth on this date. Notorious political machinist Boss Tweed bought it on this date.